2020 year of opportunity
Well, I can't believe it's already 2020, and I'm glad to be able to do still what I love. Like, I mentioned in my other post, I've missed writing for my audience and myself.
To continue where I left off. I am in a relationship and have been for almost a year. I must say this has been the most challenging part of my year. We met on a dating website, and we instantly connected. I found myself engulfed in her positive spirit. She's a truck driver for a company she now hates. She used to be over the road but now she drives locally. When she was over the road things between us were dam near perfect. We video chatted, texted continuously each other, and the calls lasted forever. I miss those times so much now. However, I gave her a warning, yes, I said advice. I told her, "Don't skip chapters in our relationship. In other words, don't fall so fast. People tend to allow their feelings to take control instead of allowing things to progress slowly. How can anyone be the blame for someone falling in love faster than their partner? Anyhow, I wish I could say that she didn't fall for me quickly, but she did. She has fallen hard, and I've tried to catch her. The thing is how do you catch someone you warned not to fall headfirst. I know it sounds harsh and selfish, but it's the truth. It could only be my truth, but I did give a discloser in the beginning.
Love is a very complicated feeling. You must be honest with yourself and ultimately become vulnerable to let someone have the most critical vessel in your body. Your heart is what keeps you going, and to give that to someone is the scariest feeling in the entire world. I've been in love twice in my lifetime. Both times I lost so much of myself that it took forever to get back to who I am. I vowed to myself and my heart that I would never let myself get to that point. You may ask, how are you in a relationship, and isn't it unfair to your partner?
The answer to your question is; I told her my relationship history and why I wanted her to get to know me before committing to me. Sadly, we are not in such a right place, and we are working on getting back to the beginning. Especially, when we laughed more than we cried. It's hard to pinpoint where things went left. Now, we do struggle in different areas of our relationship. I feel so bad that I can't give her what she needs right now. I'm working on things in my life that require my space and time from the other stuff that has been a distraction.
No, I'm not saying she's a distraction, but she tends to forget about herself. I always remind her that it's okay to love me but never forget to love yourself. I never want anyone to love me more than do themselves. It's never okay to let someone forget that they matter. I could go on and on about how the relationship is going but because I've prayed about it. I have to trust that what will be; will be. I've learned that when you put your issues out into the universe, it never turns out good. Right now, I can't deal with anything other than concentrating on being the best me I can be for 2020. However, I know I can't just end it there when it's so much more to discuss. It's just the beginning.
Until next time...
To continue where I left off. I am in a relationship and have been for almost a year. I must say this has been the most challenging part of my year. We met on a dating website, and we instantly connected. I found myself engulfed in her positive spirit. She's a truck driver for a company she now hates. She used to be over the road but now she drives locally. When she was over the road things between us were dam near perfect. We video chatted, texted continuously each other, and the calls lasted forever. I miss those times so much now. However, I gave her a warning, yes, I said advice. I told her, "Don't skip chapters in our relationship. In other words, don't fall so fast. People tend to allow their feelings to take control instead of allowing things to progress slowly. How can anyone be the blame for someone falling in love faster than their partner? Anyhow, I wish I could say that she didn't fall for me quickly, but she did. She has fallen hard, and I've tried to catch her. The thing is how do you catch someone you warned not to fall headfirst. I know it sounds harsh and selfish, but it's the truth. It could only be my truth, but I did give a discloser in the beginning.
Love is a very complicated feeling. You must be honest with yourself and ultimately become vulnerable to let someone have the most critical vessel in your body. Your heart is what keeps you going, and to give that to someone is the scariest feeling in the entire world. I've been in love twice in my lifetime. Both times I lost so much of myself that it took forever to get back to who I am. I vowed to myself and my heart that I would never let myself get to that point. You may ask, how are you in a relationship, and isn't it unfair to your partner?
The answer to your question is; I told her my relationship history and why I wanted her to get to know me before committing to me. Sadly, we are not in such a right place, and we are working on getting back to the beginning. Especially, when we laughed more than we cried. It's hard to pinpoint where things went left. Now, we do struggle in different areas of our relationship. I feel so bad that I can't give her what she needs right now. I'm working on things in my life that require my space and time from the other stuff that has been a distraction.
No, I'm not saying she's a distraction, but she tends to forget about herself. I always remind her that it's okay to love me but never forget to love yourself. I never want anyone to love me more than do themselves. It's never okay to let someone forget that they matter. I could go on and on about how the relationship is going but because I've prayed about it. I have to trust that what will be; will be. I've learned that when you put your issues out into the universe, it never turns out good. Right now, I can't deal with anything other than concentrating on being the best me I can be for 2020. However, I know I can't just end it there when it's so much more to discuss. It's just the beginning.
Until next time...
Comments
Post a Comment