Jays Journey!

After all was said and done my mom was really gone and I was lost. The love and support that I got from so many friends and family was no longer there. However I still get the are you okay. I think to myself does it freaking look like I'm ok. Although that is not the response I give, I tell them I'm doing the best I can. Why is it hard for people to understand that it will never be ok, my mother its gone and I can't bring get back. My mothers day, Christmas, Thanksgiving, her birthday will never be the same. At times I feel myself being numb and stuck in trance of the illusion that its a dream. I didn't just bury my mom and pick out her outfit that she would where for the very last time. But I did and there its no changing that. She's gone and I will never be able to kiss her and make hey laugh to she almost pee her clothes. Yes this is all I have right now and that's my memories of her smiling, cursing, yelling and being happy. Dang if I could just get one wish

Wow it’s been so long since I’ve even attempted to write anything. However this entry will be very personal and I’m putting my heart and soul into it. 2012 was a year that I will never forget in my life. It’s the year I had to say goodbye to my home, my friends and my best friend (my mommy). I moved back to New York because I felt the need to be closer to my family. I knew that for some reason this year was so much different than the years I wanted to move back home. I always called my mom when I was ready to come home and she always told me pray and ask God to give you strength. She told me how proud of me she was and didn’t want me to come back to New York to fail. I agreed and told her she was the best because I knew she was my number one supporter of the decisions I made in my life. However, this time when I called her crying and telling her that I want to come back, not knowing that it was the best decision she could’ve helped me with ever. She didn’t hesitate to tell me to c