Jays Journey!

I know that when you need to let someone or something that it should be easy. However, I still deal with the struggle of letting go of people. It’s easier for me to let things go but to know that I may not be able to have someone in my life bothers me. I know when their season in your life is over your suppose to move on and let it be. How do you not speak to someone that you've know forever. I find that it has gotten easier for me to do the older I get but I still question why did it have to end. How about when you've loved someone for years and they say to you that their no longer in love with you and they've found love elsewhere. How can you accept that and just move on from being hurt. That's why I try not to tell people how I feel because I've been hurt not because they don't feel the same way but because they do care.  I've recently felt this exact pain that I'm talking about. I was introduced to this guy through mutual friends and we hit off

He kept calling everyday trying to explain what was going on. I had no intentions on listening to anything else he had to say. He came over, and I made sure that I had my folks around me when he came. He tried to feed me the bullshit, that she didn't mean anything to him and that he loved me. He told me that my baby girl was never around her. Except, he didn't know that I had asked my baby girl (who is a genius and remembers everything) if she remember being in a car. She got excited and said that she was in the car with daddy and his girlfriend. She said that he had kissed his girlfriend in front of her. My heart was broken because I couldn't believe he could have no regards for our child. She seen us kissing and laying in the same bed with her and here he is kissing the next chick. He said that he was using her and that he could get whatever he wanted out of her. All I could think about was this chick and him having sex and kissing each other ( I'm a female what do yo

Had a moment and I had to step back and evaluate the situation. I'm stronger than I realize and I am able to move past the many obstacles thrown in my way. I've prayed and asked God to show me things that only pertain to my life. He did just that and I will be the first to admit that all things happen for a reason. I cried and yelled but at the end of it all, I did the one thing that always bring me back to my right state of mind. I picked up a pen and my notebook and begin to express in words, the life I no longer will allow my self to remain in. Feelings of being hurt and alone. Yes, these are emotions that sometimes can't be control but when they get the best of you. You feel defeated and lost because of the pain that clouds over your head. Yes, its okay to cry but don't let those tears continue to fall even when the storm has passed. I wont look back and say why didn't I do this or that. I will look back and smile and say that I have overcome that obstacle. No

I've gone through life helping everyone else to be happy and some how I lost myself in the process. I've put my dreams on the back burner in hopes that one day I can get mine rolling. Some how I am blessed to have a huge family but I feel so alone. I've been the best mother I can be without the help of her father. By the grace of God I am so blessed to have wonderful parents. I've put my relationships on the back burner with the rest of my dreams and wants. I'm human and I cry, bleed, sleep..etc just like everyone else but why can't I get this feeling of being alone to fade away. I have some regrets but no one knows the real pain I feel when I close my door at night. I pray every night that god gives me one opportunity to show folks who I am. I've tried to let things go but I can't anymore. Why should I accomadate you and feel like a fool for helping you to see your child. No child support as matter of fact no type of support and I'm the one in tear

I sat there looking at the phone and asked her again, what the hell did she just say. She told me that she was his girlfriend and that they had been dating for the last 6 months. I was fuming and asked her where she met him and has she ever been around my daughter. She laughed (which pissed me off even more) and said that she has. She told me she was the one that brought my baby girl pink bike that she loved. I remember the day he brought the bike home like he had just brought it from the store. She knew my name where I lived because he has dropped the baby off with her in the car. I couldn't believe I knew nothing about this girl and she knew my whole life. I felt so betrayed and thought at anytime this girl could've killed me or hurt my baby, and I had no idea who she was. I asked her did she know his family, she told me that she has gone to family gatherings with him. I couldn't believe that I was so stupid and believed that he really wanted to start a family and live to

The next month was really bad, we argued more than we normally would've. I planning my daughters christening and he wasn't around for any of it. He all of sudden had to go buffalo for some job he claimed he had. The same week of his own daughters christening. I told his folks about it and if they wanted to come they were more than welcome to come. The day of the christening his mother calls me and tells me that he was trying to make it back but it didn't seem like he was going to make it. I was furious and couldn't believe that he would miss his own daughter special blessing. Everything was so beautiful, my parents stayed back to cook for the event and her god father brought her the cutest cake. How about maybe an hour after we get home, He strolls in my apartment like shit was okay. I was pissed and told him he could leave right now. He went into the back and laid across the bed, his mother went to the back to talk to him. I was pissed and ready for him leave, his moth

She over heard me talking to my daughters father, telling him that I was going to coming home. I needed for him to meet me at the 34th street to come pick me and the baby up. When I got off the phone, she asked me when was I plan on telling her that I was leaving. Instantly I felt a lump in my throat, and I froze up trying to figure out what I wanted to say. She said that I didn't have to explain and that she would have my Godfather bring me to the bus station. She was furious, I could tell because she didn't say anything else to me for the next couple of days. I understood that she was disappointed but I didn't know what she was so angry with my decision. I didn't ask, at this point I just wanted to get home to my own room and yes my daughters father. I missed him and I need him to be with me and my baby. I was leaving the next day and I went to say goodbye to her and she waved me off. That hurt me because I hate disappointing people but I also made choices that didn&#

He came back the same day, I guess he needed to get a change of clothes and take a shower. I really didn't expect to see him that day. He came in and washed his hands and went to pick up the baby. She actually started crying when he picked her and he couldn't understand why she was crying. I told him that she was hungry and that he could feed her if he wanted to. I warmed the bottle and gave it to him to feed her. My mother went over to him and showed him how to fix the blanket and showed him how to hold her head. He told her he knew what he was doing and he appreciated it. I seen the frustration in his eyes and I told him that she's just trying to help. He gave me the look like, he's not saying anything because she's my mother. He went into the room and decided to feed her in there instead in the living room with everyone else. I heard her crying and went to go check on why. He said she'd finished her milk and he tried burping her but she wasn't having it.

I've been gone for along time, and believe me it wasn't done purposely. However I am determined to continue this blog and other things I have going on. From this point on I will try and post at least 2 blogs a week so that I will not fall so behind on the story that I have originally started. Thank for all your support and I appreciate all the comments. Lets get it in folks. I will not drag on the whole pregnancy part but will keep it going so that you can follow from where I left off.   He went with me to most of the doctor's appointment and I was happy that he was able to be there. However, he was there but his heart didn't seem like he was in it. I couldn't understand why he said he wanted to be with me but his mind and heart seem to be with somewhere else or with someone else. I remember the day I went into labor like it was yesterday. He was already at the house because I called him that morning when I came in from the doctor. She had told me that I was 2 cm,