Jays Journey!

He walked away and I knew that I really hurt him in away that I couldn’t take back. I wasn’t sorry I just wanted my life back they way it was before I got with him. I wasn’t involved with anyone but I wasn’t feeling all these emotions that I never felt before either. Days went by and he didn’t call and I didn’t call him either. I had decided that I wanted to get a break from New York and decide to go visit my family in Palm Bay, Florida from my father side. I wasn’t going to tell him that I was going to leave but I did anyway. I left the following week to Florida my grandmother paid for the trip and booked my ticket for 3 weeks. I got there and for the first few days I was excited because it had been years since I’d seen my family. The last time I had seen my cousins I was 10 and here I am now 21 and pregnant. They were excited when I got there and I was looking forward to my grandmothers carrot juice and Jamaican food. I was there for almost a 1 1/2 weeks and it was like I was trying

I was going to be a mother and I was not prepared for it. The last thing I wanted to do was have a child while living at home with my parents. I didn’t tell him let him know that I was going to get my first sonogram done in a couple of weeks. I was to mad at him to let him be apart of anything I  was doing. I was a cranky Bitch and didn’t care who didn’t like it. His daughter was in town for the summer and guess who was keeping her while he was working in New Jersey. I was keeping her at my mother’s house while he worked. I didn’t mind I loved the little girl the moment I seen her. When he went to go get her from Atlanta I didn’t really know what to expect. I already knew he had a child and I accept that much but she wasn’t in the same state. I didn’t have to deal with the baby mama issues or anything. I was very relieved that I didn’t but I wanted him to stay in his daughters life. Anyway, when he got back he was so pissed off at his daughter’s mother. She sent her baby clothes in a g

He said he loved me and I felt like a little girl who just got her first training bra..lol I felt special because I knew that he really did love me. However I turned things up a notch and became even meaner than I was before. He was still sticking around and at this point he was like he was immune to the drama I tried to stir up in our relationship. We weren't having sex and I of course was not a virgin. So I knew it had to be love because I don’t know a man who would stick around and he’s not getting any action. Don’t get me wrong I will say one thing we were some what intimate but I was on the receiving end of things. I do remember one night we were the only ones up (so we thought) and he decided that he wanted to be nasty and give me some oral sex. I happily obliged and didn’t put up an argument at all..lol Anyway,during our little session my sister walked in on us. I didn’t know she was even staring at us until I looked up and seen her looking at her. Her facial expression on h

I was up at 2:30 am this writing this. I laid in bed and started thinking about writing a post. I didn’t know if I wanted to just continue with my journey which isn't hard to write about since it’s my past. However I couldn’t help but think about my struggle with being single. The thoughts started clouding my mind and it literally forced me out of bed and I immediately started writing. I’ve always wonder what my purpose in life is. This is a question that has been bothering me forever. There are many talents that I’ve been blessed such as writing, cooking, and being a role model. The one talent  that God has called me to do I struggle with because I’m unsure  that my purpose is to much for me and that’s why I’m at a standstill in my life. Writing is my outlet to life and it helps people understand me better. Being a role model is something that makes me feel really good to know that I have touched their lives in some way or another. I just don’t want to feel like my life is slip

He didn’t seem like he wanted to leave even though I was being so mean to him. It was like I couldn’t help myself and being mean was my way of showing that I cared. That night when he left I made the decision to call it quits. I no longer wanted to be bother by the man who only loved and cared about me. (just silly) I called him that night and told him that we needed to talk the next time he came over. He insisted that I tell him what I needed to tell him right then. He asked if I was trying to break up with him and I lied and told him no. I didn’t want to say it over the phone that I didn’t want to be with him. He then told me that he was coming back over so that I could tell him what I needed to. I told him not to come and when we  get up over the weekend I would let him know. I had it all planned out that night. I wrote him a nice letter explaining why we couldn’t continue with  the relationship. I explained to him about how my dad hurt me and trusting men was very hard for me. I

Its been a minute since I've written anything again. A lot has been going on and my mind has not been on writing anything new. However I am going to change some things up a little and start writing about whats currently been going on in my life. I will continue with the story on my journey to Georgia but also I just feel a need to write on some current events. I do want to thank everyone that has been reading my post and following me as well. I appreciate your comments and support. For the last  30 days I’ve been trying to follow through with lent. Lent is suppose to last until Easter or you can do the whole month of April. I started off great for the first 2 weeks of doing lent. I gave up cheese, junk food and juices. Giving up cheese is a huge thing for me since I can put it on just about anything and that even includes soup..lol. Anyway the first week was so fulfilling and things were going good for me. I was reading my daily word, waking up for daily prayer and night time pr

We seen each other almost everyday after he came and met my family. If we weren't together physically, then we spent the entire night talking on the phone. He started to fall for me really hard and I didn’t know how to deal that. I was at a point in my life where I didn’t know how to except someone who wanted all of me. I liked him but I had a wall built up that was no easy task breaking down. Let me just give you a little history on why I was trying so hard not to let anyone get so close to me. You would better understand throughout my entries why I was so hard and mean to those that wanted to love me. (particularly men) My father was a huge part as to why I didn’t trust men. I mention in the first entry that my dad  went to jail when I was just a toddler. My mom actually took me to go see him while he was in jail. She said that it was hard for her to deal with the jail system and didn’t want me to have to deal with seeing him like that. Of course I don’t remember  any of it and

I smiled at him and told him to come on. No I didn’t give him a hug but believe me I wanted to but I didn’t want him to think I missed him or anything (remember I was terrible at showing affection). I did miss him and wanted to jump on him when I seen him. My sister looked at me then him and just smiled. I remember her asking me why was I hiding him from everyone. I just told her that he was not my man but merely a friend. I looked back at him again and my stomach was in knots and doing summersaults. We walked from the train station and he said he was hungry. This is when I found out that for a slim dude he could eat a dang house…lol  The closest place I could think of was white castle and that’s only because we had to pass it to go back to my mother’s place. We stopped in and he got something to eat. He order 6 cheeseburger, fries, 3 chicken sandwiches. He didn’t order a drink but wanted to get it from the corner store by my house.                                          (corner s

This week has been an off week for me. I know I haven't written anything recently and its sucks. As a writer sometimes it comes and it goes. However I do have another story about a dude I met while being here in Georgia. It was my birthday and my home girl wanted to take me out to eat. She knew that I love to eat seafood so she suggest Red Lobster. You cant go wrong there especially with their cheese biscuits. We were sitting down clowning on some silly guys that just walked by us. She brought me a card and some flowers that wre really cute. Our waiter came and he was a character. He made us laugh and he didn’t look bad either. He was from Chicago so it was a breath of fresh air from the Georgia men that I was meeting. I was thinking to myself a dude from up north and he had a little swag. I order a pina colada with some shrimp alfredo and a side of extra biscuits. I was being a little flirtatious and my friend dared me to sweet talk him and get his number. I love challenges and i

I was shocked after he told me that he had been shot. I told him about the dream that I had right before he called me. We both agreed that that is not normal and I instantly knew there was a deep connection that I had with this man. He was still in Georgia at the time so there wasn’t much that I could do for him being that I was in NY. After the shooting incident we lost contact again. I went back to Queens to pack my things because I decided that I wanted to move back home with my family. My Godmother was still in Georgia and the house in Queens was getting to crowded. I was hoping she would’ve came back to New York and start her childcare back. She started a childcare called Happy Faces and I worked for her. It was the easiest job ever. All I had to do is get up @6am because that is when the first child came. He was just a newborn at the time but I was used to taking care of  babies. It wasn’t my first job but it was one of the best jobs because I was working from home…lol. However

Have you ever thought that it would be possible to fall in love with the same person twice. I struggle with the thoughts of my heart and mind.My heart wants to give it another shot but my mind is telling me to leave it alone. (follow you heart because your mind always plays tricks on you....lol) I never in my life imagine that any feelings would emerge from a single hug. As years, months and days had gone by I admit that some time I have that nagging thought of what “IF”. Scared to even allow my heart to be hurt again. The one thing that I’ve always told myself was that I would never ever let myself get caught up in the what if’s. I have to admit that the one time out of five years of him being here I didn’t expect to such a wonderful time. There was a time at one point that I couldn’t stand the ground he walked on.Yet, today I find myself reminiscing about the good old days. I’ve learned a lot of things about myself while being here in Georgia. I’ve learned how different I am from w

He told me that he couldn’t believe that I would hurt him like that.  He then started to claim that I had another man and that was the reason why I didn’t love him . I tried to explain to him that I wasn’t ready for a long distance relationship. He hung up the phone on me and I had no intentions on calling him back. Not even 1 minute later he called me back and apologize for hanging up on me. I could tell that he was pissed off because he was mumbling to himself. I told him that I cared for him but I couldn’t say that I loved him . He said he understood and that he was willing to take it slower with me so that we could be a couple. I could tell that he didn’t believe what he was telling me because of the distance between us. We hung up on good terms and he told me that he still loved me very much. That same night I meet up with the dudes I met from Morehouse College. My god sister and I gave them directions to come get us and they did without any problems. We went out to eat first then

We talked everyday and we wrote to each other off and on. I was listening to my heart instead of my head and I was excited about talking to him again. I knew there was a connection there because when we talked it was like talking to my soul mate.  He moved down to Georgia to be with his little girl. I was okay with that because he told me that he was living with a roommate and not his daughter’s mom. I asked him what was the reason he kept on looking for me at the stadium. He said the reason why he kept searching for me at the stadium was because he had fallen in love. I couldn’t believe that he could fall in love the first time he seen me. He wanted me to come down to see him in Georgia. I was a little apprehensive about coming down because we had only been talking for three months. The crazy thing is my  Godmother was talking about moving down to Georgia. I was so excited and couldn’t wait to let him know that I might be coming down to Georgia to live as well. In July, My Godmother

he was going to have to do surgery on my mouth. I called my mother and asked that she come be with me during my consultation with the doctor. I brought him the x-ray’s that my previous dentist had done. He looked at the x-ray and said the other doctor shouldn’t have cut into my mouth.  He told me that the tumor was almost the size of a tangerine.  ( imagine something this big growing in your mouth) I was scared out of my mind because he said that he needed to do surgery immediately. He was concern that it was a cancerous tumor and did not want it to get any bigger. Cancer was all I heard from the duration of the conversation. He’s lips were moving but my mind was on the fact that he said Cancer. I just bowed my head and prayed at that very second. I will never forget the very day of surgery because I was about to find out if I had cancer and my face would probably never look the same again. The day of surgery I laid there and prayed as they prepped me. I remember there was this one

My brothers where sitting on the stoop with all of there friends. It seemed like they were just waiting for me to come home. All I could do was shake my head and scrunch down in the car seat. I knew that this wasn’t going to be good at all. As soon as the boys noticed me in the car they all stood up. It was like a chain reaction and I was not looking forward to the outcome. My oldest god brother came right over to my friend window and asked him to roll it down. I told him that he didn’t have to but he told me that he wasn’t scared. I gave him a kiss and got out the car. He wanted to be the man so I let him deal with them. I went into the house to put my things down. I came back out to see if he had left but they all where outside the gate leaning on the fence. They looked like a bunch of thugs and believe me their all far from being anybody’s thug. I went over to the car and told him to leave and that I would call him later. He finally listen and left. My brothers started on me, saying

We finally get to his house and boy was I happy it felt like an oven in there. He introduced me to his mom, aunt and sister and asked me to wait for him in the living room. His mom had asked him to go to the store for her. I felt real uneasy about waiting for him while I had to sit there with his family. I had not expect him to introduce me to his family so quickly. We had only been talking for maybe a month.  As I sat there his mom asked me a question (again feeling uneasy) about how I met her son. I told her we met at the stadium and that we were just friends. He came back and I was never happier to see him  then at that moment. He took me by the hand and lead me to the back of the apartment. His room was painted blue and I was kind of wondering what the heck is wrong with him. I was thinking a grown man with a blue room but learned that it’s his favorite color. I sat on his bed and he knelt down in from of me and grabbed my hand. I thought to myself I know this fool is not about to

We were in the stadium and I seen him again but still I didn’t say anything. I went my way and he his way. I was chilling with my girls and I had to go to the bathroom. No one wanted to go with me and I had to go alone. I came back from the bathroom and didn’t realize that I was lost. I must have went in the wrong part of section that me and my girls where sitting in. I started to look around and guess who I ran into while looking for my girls. Yes, it was crazy because again I had no idea that he was even in the section I got lost in. He seen me and I smiled and looked away quickly. I was excited and nervous all at the same time. he came down towards me and asked if I wanted him to help me find my friends. I agreed but he made me promise that if he helped me that I would come back and talk to him.  Sure I didn’t care because I didn’t think he would find them before me. Unfortunately he did and as soon as I agreed he pointed them out. I was blushing so hard that I just said thank you a

I moved down to Georgia almost five years ago. I move down her to get away from the crazy relationship with my daughters father and of course to better my daughters life. However I will tell you how I managed to go from being a city girl to a country girl. It started after I had my daughter who by the way is 10 years old now.  I was living in Brooklyn, NY with my parents before I decided to move down south.  I am the oldest of nine and I have only 1 brother. Yes, he is the only boy and he was basically picked on by us girls. My dad and mom separated when I was 3 years old and he went to jail for selling drugs. My mom eventually got married when I turned 14 years old. My stepfather and I didn’t get along at first. I was used to being in charge and taking care of my siblings. That passed and we are now closer than ever. Just wanted to give a brief story about my childhood. Now comes the juicy stuff.. My relationship with my daughters father was a big headache. How we meet and winded