A father's love!

You ever wanted to be daddy's little girl. I believe that every little girl has the desire to be daddy's little princess. Unfortunately it doesn't always work out like that and the little girl always wind up with her heart broken and dreams crushed. My perception on a daddy's girl is a man who cherishes his daughter. Fathers who wants nothing but the best for her and see’s her as his princess that no one can have.

I was once this little girl who wanted nothing more than to have her father around full time. I really don't have many memories of spending time with my father. I only remember bits and pieces growing up. I can recall him always making promises that he never kept. I remember it being my birthday and he called me maybe a week or two prior to let me know to look out for my birthday card. He told me he sent me some money and wanted me to go buy something nice for myself. Here I am about to be 9 or 10 years old, excited because my father said he was going to send me card with money. I'm bragging to my other siblings about him sending me something. I already had plans on what I was going to buy with it. I was thinking big at the time, if he sends me $100.00 I could buy myself some much needed clothes. (Remember I was the oldest of 6 siblings at the time) If it was $50.00 I could still get an outfit and have some money left over. My mind was all over the place, what you expect from a child. So my birthdays came and went and guess who didn't get anything in the mail. You guessed it, a disappointed little 10 year old. This wasn't the first time he's done this to me but I knew from that point on that it was going to be his last. A week or two went by and I get a call from him asking me did the card come in the mail. I said very nonchalantly NO IT DIDN'T (my tone was flat) and he seemed surprised. Really, I didn't even want to speak to him after this but being a respectful daughter I didn't hang up the phone. I simple placed it on the kitchen table and walked away. (it would've been wrong to hang up in his face) I remember my mother picking up the phone because she heard him saying hello. She talked to him for a while and called me after they were finished talking. She told me that he wanted to speak to me and I just shook my head and told her I didn't want to talk to him. I loved her for what she did next, she simply told him that I was playing and she'd have me call him back later. (the best mom ever) She explained to me after getting off the phone that she wasn't going to force a relationship between me and my father. She said that it was my decision to keep in contact with him if I wanted to. So there you have it, the relationship between me and my dad became not existent. Do I regret not having one with him, honestly I don't. It's sad to say that once you lose faith and trust in someone it’s kind of hard to get it back. I wanted to be daddy's girl and I needed him there when I was sick, crying, and alone or just needed a hug. I didn't get that and I wanted no parts of his life because he had another child. Yes another child and can you guess what the sex was it was a girl. Did I feel away about this situation? No because by the time he had another child, I'd talked to him maybe twice a year. Don't make me no never mind anyway. I did however make a promise to myself, if I ever have a little girl that she was going to be a daddy's girl. She would never feel the pain I felt not having my dad around. She would have the life that I had wished for when I was little. A mommy and daddy that lived together and she of course wouldn't be the only child. Hmm did things work out that way...

No it sure did not work out that way at all. Unfortunately, my Bella knows the feeling that I once had and that is not having a father around full time. I felt partially at fault that she didn't have this and tried so many times to make amends with her dad. However to no avail that just wasn't what God wanted me to do. It always ended the same, she seen me and her father argue about everything under the sun. It came a point where I asked her if she wanted me with her dad. She told me NO! because her daddy didn't make me happy and he made me sad.(You never want your child see you crying because of her father) That broke my heart but it also opened my eyes to see that if a child can see that a person isn't right for you then you should see it to. I told her father this and he seemed to be surprised by her response. I simply told him that his child wanted to see her mother happy ( guess it felt like a low blow coming from his child) Question that your probably still wondering is "Is she a daddy's girl" the answer is she loves her father very much. He thinks the world of her and he views her as his baby girl. I know that the relationship could be way better than it is but at least there's a relationship. She's not a baby and as my mother once told me I've given her the choice to either build or let go. I can't hold her hand forever and tell her to make sure she calls, text, or kik him. She's not a baby anymore and he'll soon realize that once she gets older....

Not every female will admit that they have a void in their lives and the reason why trust is a issue is because of their father's. They would much rather keep these feelings buried deep inside their hearts. I however I have come to a realization that what you hide in the dark always come to light. Yes, even keeping this feeling hidden will somehow affect you later on. I've had this talk with father and he apologized for not being there but still claimed that he was trying to be there. I forgave him and I moved past it. Do we have a relationship now? Honestly we don't and it has nothing to do with him not being around. I don't harbor any feelings towards him; I just feel that during this transition in my life I need time to heal from losing my mom. (Not pushing him away but he feels that he knows my pain and he doesn't) I love him dearly but I also feel that sometimes you have to separate yourself from people. In some cases it can be family, friends. a partner and in my case my father. (Sad but it’s the truth) Until next time....