Reality of the truth

How do you deal with the reality of the truth, do you cover it up? Cry about it? Or simply accept it and move past it. I’m dealing with the reality of the one thing I hate to admit, dealing with someone who is not afraid of being honest with me and giving it to me like it is… Read below and you’ll get what I ‘m saying.

I've known for a while that I would eventually need to hear the truth about him and her. However, I got so caught up in the fantasy of having him that I put it to the back of my mind. I figured things would eventually fade out and I wouldn’t need to know about what happened. Boy was I wrong; my conscience didn’t let me put that behind for too long. My heart is now involved and there’s no turning back once you fully commit your heart. There hasn’t been any physical intimacy but there has been other ways we have pleased each other. We don’t live near each other but I honestly didn’t realize the other ways you could mentally satisfy someone sexually. I haven’t experience this kind of sex until now and all I can say is that I was sprung. Sprung on the thoughts that I don’t have to be physically touched by him but to hear his voice and the way he worded what he could do to me. Out of this world!! I’m not exaggerating either…lol  Let me make something clear here, I have not fully committed my heart and at this point I’m not sure that I want to. I’m absolutely scared out of my mind to even become intimate with him. It would change things forever and I’m not sure I want that. Have you ever been so comfortable with someone that you feel like you could tell him/her everything about your life right now? Yes this is where I am and I’m scared because I decided today to face the reality of the truth. What happened between him and her? Why did he feel the sudden need to find himself and not commit himself to another woman until he knows she’s the one for him?  Well here it goes, he told me that she needed to find herself and that he enjoyed loving her but they are not together. My heart sunk because the fact that he still has the thoughts of loving someone who would just leave. I felt a tear build up but I wasn’t about to let it fall down my face. I can’t cry for someone who’s not mine or who still has the feeling to love on someone else. This does make it hard for me to try and be the same way. I am not an actress and I can’t pretend that when he’s telling me how he could make me feel so good that he isn’t thinking about how he made her feel. I feel horrible and I can’t say that I want to just dismiss him from my life. I care deeply about him and he’s still a good man to me. Now, the only thing is I can’t allow myself to feel anything else than caring for him as a friend. Guess, I have to ask myself do I still allow him to talk to me like he does? Do I want him to be the one to break my drought that I’ve been going through  (7 months of no physical sex) I don’t know and I won’t front like I still don’t want him in that way. I tell you when your mind take you places of hurt and how much I’ve been hurt by men. My heart tends to get this chill and it wants to be cold and icy. That’s not what I want so the mere fact that he was honest with me and I told him thank you for telling me. That’s all I could come up with at the time. I just kept reading that he enjoys loving her. What the hell does that mean and should I ask him? I’m not going to ask any more questions in regards to her and him. I’m done with it and I won’t allow myself to be consumed by someone else choices. I’ll continue to be myself because I don’t know how to be anyone else.

The reality of this is that he’s single (his words) and my reality is that I can’t and won’t let this hinder me from finding someone who can truly love me for me. I swear I always say that I want the whole truth and nothing but the truth but when I get it all I can do is shake my head.  My advice when you ask for the truth be prepared for whatever comes. You can accept it, cry about it, or just ignore it. You all see my choice I’ve accepted it and now I’m moving past it.  2014 is still looking bright for me and this is just showing me that I’m becoming stronger in dealing with situations like this. Thank God for a new me because had this been the old me. I would’ve cursed him out from head to toe. No need for that now I still got plenty of options….lol

And on that note… Until next time folk