Starting Over

I don’t even know where to begin but when I say life has been kicking me in the butt.. smh I always feel incomplete when I stop writing but sometimes you have to regroup and come back stronger. I’ve been fighting with my emotions on my break up with my ex who I truly loved but things didn’t work out. I was the reason for the breakup and I think at some point I couldn’t forgive myself for letting her go. I even tried to mend a friendship again but the hurt was still there and I believe she hadn’t forgiven me for hurting her. I understand the hurt that I caused and I don’t blame her for it not working out. My reason for talking about my breakup is that I learned that when you go through so many bad relationships you don’t realize what a good one is suppose to be. Although, distance played a huge part in my decision in the breakup, the love I had for her was real. The saying goes “you don’t miss a good thing until it’s gone”. Well I know this to be true because I missed the hell out of her. Anyway, I’m moving past it and I’m moving on with my life.  

Still trying to figure out where to begin. …

Last year I learned a valuable lesson on helping people. I learned that because a person needs your help doesn’t mean that you have to help them. What I mean by this is that you don’t have to physically help them you can give them advice or direct them to someone who can. It doesn’t matter how much you try to detach yourself emotionally from the situation it never works. You can’t help that your heart gets involves and if the situation turns out negatively you will be hurt feeling confused as in why you helped them. I questioned myself in a situation that I told myself I would never get back in. I allow this person to come into my space even though they never had my best interest at heart. I felt sorry for this person and I couldn’t see anyone put out with nothing but the clothes on their back. I thought I have a heart and I cared about this person; there was no way I could not help. I swear I never thought that I would get treated as bad as I did. I was ready to hurt something or someone because I only helping but got smacked in the face (not literally) I never thought I would be the one to turn my back and say enough is enough. I had to be strong for myself because I was still dealing with the break up and I believe I used that to cover up the hurt. It doesn’t make me feel I shouldn’t continue to help people as I love to do. It just makes me cautious and not so willing to help someone who doesn’t deserve the help.  I’ve learned and will continue learning about myself.

I’ve decided that I have to get back to the root of what makes me happy. Yup, writing is the one thing that can make me feel like everything will be okay. Don’t get me wrong I pray before I write and it helps clear my mind. I promise myself that I’m going to continue writing and be more consistent in my writing.  I have two books that I have to get published; I’m not concerned about how many I get sold. I’m concerned that I don’t allow my talent that god has given me to die with me.  I’m not saying that I’m dying but I’m saying that we all will die one day and I don’t want to leave this earth. Not without leaving a legacy for my daughter to be proud of.  Knowing that this is something I love to do.

I’ve even started sending out my morning inspirations like I use to do. I get some good feedback from my friends and coworkers. It makes me happy to know that I can inspire someone who’s going through some issues in their life. I even have my coworkers trying to convince me to do an inspiration calendar or book. I must admit I have thought about it but I have to first work on what I have in front of me.   I know this really doesn’t give you much of what’s going on or has been going on but just know I can’t write it all in one blog… lol However, there will be plenty more to come.