Jays Journey!

Omg, it feels absolutely exhilarating to sit down and write again. It’s been sometime since I’ve taken the time out to release my thoughts out into the universe. I’ve missed it terribly; I can use the excuse that life has been preventing me from writing but that wouldn’t be the truth.   I lost myself when it came to my writing anything. I’ve been happy, sad and disappointed by so much that it held me from my true self. Whelp, not anymore, I’m feeling like a brand-new woman! Life has been good, let me fix that “it’s been an amazing”. 2019 has been so good to me that I really have no complaints. My career has really taken off. The last time I mentioned my job, I was a rural carrier (mail lady). Well now I am a supervisor and I manage the same employees, I once worked with. The transition wasn’t that hard. However, I did receive some negative energy from those who thought I shouldn’t have gotten the position. Hell, I even got back doored from the person who asked me if I was inter...

I woke up this morning feeling like the day was going to be great until I felt a tear roll down my face.  I knew why it fell, but I wasn’t ready to deal with it. I’m at a breaking point in my life and now I’m finally feeling it. I’ve always been great at masking my pain and hurt from a child and now as an adult. However, the only problem is I never know when something or someone will bring me to this point. I know that it’s not good to hold in your feelings, but I never let them out in fear of hurting someone.  Yet, I hurt myself more by not saying it when it needs to be said and now I as I write I cry. I wasn’t expecting this feeling this morning; I just needed the pain to stay hidden in my heart.  It hurts me even more now because last night my daughter told me that the reason she shows no emotions is because of me. Wow, I never knew that she put on that same brave face as I do, only to mask her true feelings. I now have to find a way to break this cycle because i...

                                                        (I do not own this picture)                                                        I woke up this morning feeling like I really needed to write. I got in from work last night and slept all night long. I did eventually wake up and use the bathroom and I browsed on Facebook and Instagram for a little bit. However, I had a restless night and my dreams were all over the place. I woke up with a slight attitude because I feel like I am tired of people and their lies and excuses. I can say that I’ve had made excuses for some of the things gone wrong in my life, but I can say now that I have no more excuses left. Have you ever been tired of being tired? Well,...

Today was a rough day for me at work, I had so much mail and packages that I wanted to get sick and go home. I fought through it and made it back safe and sound. I had to keep a positive outlook on things to push through.  I find that with my profession it isn’t always easy to keep a positive attitude. You have to deal with so many different personalities, job duties, and pressure from management. I’m learning that even though I want to complain about all the extra things I’m asked to do, I can’t complain because I’m blessed to have a job that provides for me and my family. I have gone through so many different adversities in my life and it has only made me the strong woman that I am today. I feel like some people attract problems into their own lives. You want to be successful but you’re always complaining about your job, finances, and the relationships you have built. What have you changed within yourself to become successful in your career? Have you gone back to sch...

                                                     (I do not own this picture) Today has been a great day, I got off work early and now I am able to get some writing done. I’ve been MIA for a minute so I haven’t been able to keep you updated with what has been going on with me.  I’m finally in a relationship with someone and I love how things are going. We have our ups and downs but it seems like we are in it for the long run. That’s a whole other blog in itself because I’m sure many will be shocked once I tell my story. However I have a topic that hits home for me because  I believe a lot of people go through this very situation I think some of us lose who we are as a person to make everyone else around us happy. Afraid of not being loved and accepted, we tend to forget who we really are; a Christian, a Jew, Gay, a Teacher etc. Y...

                                                   (This picture does not belong to me the Artist is Carole Clarke)  I know I haven’t been on for a while but due to lack of internet and work driving me up a wall, I have been missing the one thing that I really love doing and that of course is writing. It’s been a lot going on in my family and it’s really been hard dealing with the deaths that has taken place in the last two months. I won’t dwell on that because I know that both my aunts are in a better place and no they are no longer in pain. This may be true but it still doesn’t make it any easier to deal with the lost. I haven’t really been inspired to write about much even though so much has been going on. However, while talking to an old friend today he told me that he was going through something with the mother of his daughter.  First ...

I was about to head to bed but of course I started thinking about my future and where I see myself in the next couple of years.  My friend asked me what was new with me and told me to think really deep and at first I couldn’t come up with anything. I couldn’t think about anything new that was going on in my life. Yes, I’ve gone through heartaches, financial loss, friendship broken and lots of tears but nothing new.  This is how my conversation went with my friend and it really helped me to get to the core of where my mind is right now in regards to my future. My Response: I told him I was thinking about getting a one bedroom apartment for me and my baby girl. This way I can save money and work on getting my credit back in order.  I thought If I can find something that is reasonable than maybe I’ll just go with the two bedrooms instead of one. I thought about if I was able to manage a fulltime schedule with school, work and raising a teenage daughter and still have time...

How do you deal with the reality of the truth, do you cover it up? Cry about it? Or simply accept it and move past it. I’m dealing with the reality of the one thing I hate to admit, dealing with someone who is not afraid of being honest with me and giving it to me like it is… Read below and you’ll get what I ‘m saying. I've known for a while that I would eventually need to hear the truth about him and her. However, I got so caught up in the fantasy of having him that I put it to the back of my mind. I figured things would eventually fade out and I wouldn’t need to know about what happened. Boy was I wrong; my conscience didn’t let me put that behind for too long. My heart is now involved and there’s no turning back once you fully commit your heart. There hasn’t been any physical intimacy but there has been other ways we have pleased each other. We don’t live near each other but I honestly didn’t realize the other ways you could mentally satisfy someone sexually. I haven’t expe...

It’s a New Year and it’s time to do what you want. No more excuses about I can’t do this and I can’t do that. You can do anything you put your mind to as long as you FOCUS , that’s right I made sure to capitalize that, word specifically. I hope that everyone bought in the New Year in positive. I can tell you that as hard as it was to be happy about this New Year, I had to remember that if my mother was alive then I wouldn’t be sad. I wasn’t able to go to church but I did stream live with my old church that I went to back in Brooklyn. Christian Cultural Center the pastor is Rev. A. R. Bernard. I will recommend anyone to go to this church if you live in Brooklyn, NY His sermons always make me feel fresh and ready to hear what he’s going to teach next. He gave the congregation a key word FOCUS and he had eight key points to go with the word focus. I felt the need to share because that’s what I do. Hope this helps you as much it has already help me to focus my life right now. ...