Fathers, who want to be in their children’s lives but the mothers who won’t let them

                            

                      (This picture does not belong to me the Artist is Carole Clarke) 

I know I haven’t been on for a while but due to lack of internet and work driving me up a wall, I have been missing the one thing that I really love doing and that of course is writing. It’s been a lot going on in my family and it’s really been hard dealing with the deaths that has taken place in the last two months. I won’t dwell on that because I know that both my aunts are in a better place and no they are no longer in pain. This may be true but it still doesn’t make it any easier to deal with the lost. I haven’t really been inspired to write about much even though so much has been going on. However, while talking to an old friend today he told me that he was going through something with the mother of his daughter.  First let me explain why this is such a touchy topic for me.  Fathers, who want to be in their children’s lives but the mothers who won’t let them do their job.

First and foremost we as woman should never let our feelings get in the way of our children having a relationship with their fathers. We always complain about them not being there for them finically, physically or emotionally. Please don’t get it twisted I am not saying that all men are there like they should be for their children. I’m talking about the men who are there and are shunned because they don’t want to be with you (the mother of the child). Woman, these men don’t owe you anything, so stop using your children as a way to try and keep them. You can’t keep a man if he doesn’t want you and dangling your children in his face only makes it worst.

Let me tell you about my friends’ situation. He’s a great guy and he is trying to be a great dad for his little princess. However, he has a problem. Can you guess who it is? Yes, the mother of his daughter keeps trying to play him like he’s stupid. Long story short: he was never in a relationship with this woman but while they were dating they agreed to only sleep with each other. After months of dating, the woman disappeared out of his life. He tried to contact her but couldn’t reach her because she had disconnected the phone. Four months later she calls him and tells him that he was going to be a father. He was skeptical about the child being his but at the same time he knew that it could be a possibility that it could be. He was excited about the news because we had just talked about him being ready to be a father. He wanted to be a part of the process and she told him that she had moved out of state but was thinking about coming back.  She came back after a couple of months (which would make her about 7 ½ months) and he tried to contact her and she told him that she would contact him and let him know what was going on. (She didn’t want him to be able to contact her; she wanted to be in control)Still uncertain why she was playing games with him when all he wanted to do was hear his baby heartbeat and make sure she was okay as well. He started buying everything that they baby would need when she stayed over at his place: crib, stroller, clothes, etc. You name it; he bought it because he was happy that he was going to be dad. She had a baby shower and she really didn’t want him and his family to come but he showed up with all of the gifts that he and his sister had purchased over the last couple of months. Her family was shocked because she had told them that he wasn’t trying to be a part of the baby life and didn’t care. He showed them because he said their mouths where wide open when the gifts kept rolling in. Well six months later he’s dealing with a whole other issue. He was giving her money for the baby and buying stuff but she wasn’t satisfied. She kept asking for specific amounts of money but said it was for the baby. He said he kept giving her the money, until one day he decided that if she needed something he was just going to buy it. (All the while the money he did give he she spent on her other daughters childcare)

She didn’t like that and told him that he didn’t have to do anything. Guess who moved again; and this time she moved with a family member and told her aunt that she had no contact with the baby father. He made a trip up north and told her he was coming and she didn’t believe him but gave him the address to where she was now staying. He showed up with gifts in hand and the aunt was shocked because she had been lying to her the whole time. She had told the aunt that she couldn’t get in contact with him. He spent time and money on the baby and when he left to go back home.  She called him and told him that he could’ve spent more money on his little girl. She then proceeded to say to him; “don’t worry there is another man that take care of her too.” He got a paternity test that you can buy at CVS and swabbed his little girl mouth to make sure that she really is his. (Got to wait and see how that turns out). I just pray she is his because he’s invested a lot in her already.  Oh and get this he told her that he was going to put himself on child support and she told him that he didn’t need to do that. Hmm I wonder why? (sneaky woman)

Now ladies do you see what I mean, why must we as woman who want respect; play with men’s emotions when it comes to our children. We say we want the best for them and yet some of us them as our little pawns to try and get what we want. It may work for a while but then eventually he will get fed up and say the hell with you and his child. I am not trying to offend anyone with this blog but the truth is the truth and sometimes it needs to be known. I am a mother and my daughters’ father isn’t on child support but he does take care of her. I can say that I never used my daughter as a pawn when it came to him. When we broke up, we were done but that doesn’t mean he stop doing for his daughter.  (Because you have some that do and that’s a whole other topic) As a female who didn’t have a father growing up, why in the hell would I do that to my child? She deserves the right to have him in her life especially if he’s doing his job as a man should.  You wonder why our children go into the street looking for someone to look up to. It’s because some woman rather let their selfish ways get in the happiness of their children.

Again, this blog was not to offend any woman who has dealt with bad fathers or absent fathers by choice. It has to do with woman who are too selfish and only think of themselves not their children.