No turning back!

I cried, I yelled and I gave up but my heart said it wasn't time to let go. So I write this as I take the trip to see him. What should I expect? What do I say? Will this be what we need to put things in perspective? I don't know but I'm going to give it a try. With that said this will be the longest weekend I ever have but let me first tell you why I'm in the place that I am.

I told him I loved him and that I couldn't be the friend that he needed me to be. I need and deserve more than he was willing to give. He made me feel unwanted for the last time. He stood silent for a minute and the only thing he could come up with was "how did we get here so soon" I explained that you can't expect to not have feelings after speaking to someone every day. He was apart of my daily routine. I got up and expected to see a good morning text. I would drive to work and talk to him on my way there. At night that was really when I expected him to take me to a place that no other man could. Hell I didn't want any other man to try. I wanted him and only him! You may ask was I setting myself up for failure because of his mixed feelings. Some well say yes but I say if I don't give it a try then how I can fail. I answered his question and he remained silent. I felt my emotions getting the best of me and told him I had to go. I really did have to go because I was at work. Can you imagine having a emotional talk about letting someone you love go. Hard as hell!! I wanted to go home and try and make sense at the choice I just made. I was giving up without a fight and that didn't sit well with me. I got home and sat in front of the computer to write a not so nice blog. (I was pissed off and wanted to write about it) However, I couldn't because all I could see was the tears that clouded my eyes. I needed answers to the questions that I asked him. I didn't need him to just listen to me. I called my friend who told me that I was doing the right thing. He told me not to look back and that it would be hard in the beginning. Then why did I feel like my world was upside down. All I kept hearing him say was I'm not letting you go that easy. Damn it he didn't have a choice I was out! So I thought I could talk to him and get my answers and be done. I heard his voice and my heart just melted away. I could tell that he was lost for words and he just wanted to hear my voice. I played it cool and talked him and told him I meant what I had said to him earlier. He said he was just checking on me to make sure I got home from work safe and wanted to say goodnight. I'm a sucker for him but I'm no one’s fool. I told him that I would need to talk to him another time. I could tell he wasn't ready to let me go but I hung up and he called back two other times that night. He claimed he had something to ask me. Sure if you say so...lol

Now how did I get on the road to him today… We still talked every day after I had the "I'm done with you conversation" but we talked without talking about our relationship or anything sexual. He wanted just a friend and I was trying to be just that. Look I'm human and I'm not perfect. I don't give up easily and I go after what I want. The feeling is both mutual. Thus him paying for a ticket for me to come see him.. Now I guess I'll have to continue this post once we have our much needed face to face talk. Like I said no turning back now... Stay tuned!!