To be honest

So this is the first Christmas without my mom and all I can say is that it has been rough.  I know I shouldn’t allow it to affect my holiday but it’s hard and I’m trying to make it through the best way I know how. However, looking at my daughter smile this morning was what I needed to continue pressing through. Last night wasn’t so good, I had 4 cups of wine and it didn’t help me out one bit. I was still crying and drinking at the same damn time..lol Its wasn’t funny then but now I can laugh a little because I didn’t think it would help anyway.. Well one must try, right! Even through my pain, I still manage to have a short topic to write about. The truth hurts but sometimes we all have to face the facts of what it is and in my case I will explain what I mean

I always wonder how people can say in one breath that they don’t love the person there with but at the same time tell the person that they claim not to love that they love them. I mean come on if you don’t love a person why would you settle. You say that you’re not completely happy in your situation but you are content and happy for now. I get that we are getting older and we may not want to be alone forever but what I don’t get is why? Is being alone really that bad? I could be basis about this because I’ve been single for a long time but I feel that it has helped me learn who I am and what I want in the next relationship that I will be in.

Now, just to jump off that topic for just a second but I’ll go back to what I was talking about.

Question: Do you believe in love at first site? I think that people fall in love with the idea of being in love because they’re not use to it. If you never had someone treat you like a woman or man suppose to be treated and you find someone that has you immediately fall in love with the way the person treats you. You’re not in love with that person. However, you fall so in love with the things that person does for you that you begin to find yourself still looking for the right person to love you for you. Yes, that’s right you love him/her but you’re not in love. Now what do you? Do you stay because you feel that you owe this person? Or do you start looking at the person for who they are and really see if you can stay in the relationship. I will say love is a very powerful feeling and it has good and bad experiences that come with it. It can hurt but feel good at the same time. One would say who the heck wants to deal with an emotion that you can’t control and that can potentially hurt the hell out of you and scar you for life. Guess you have to experience some bad in order to appreciate when you real love presents itself. Well I’m still waiting to experience the unconditional kind. I love hard and I know that whoever it is I get the chance to give my heart to will be very happy. Oh, I’m not looking either for him either; God will send him right to me… Can’t hardly wait (I have some much built up sexual tension that I need to release..lol) What don’t act like I don’t keep it 100% with ya’ll…lol

Back to the main point of me writing this post…

If you are not truly happy and you choose to settle, I say at least be honest with the person your with and allow them to make the decision to stay with you. They don’t know that your heart isn’t fully into the relationship and they are building there life around a lie. It’s not fair to allow someone to fall in love with someone who still has their heart guarded. Not saying that you can’t eventually fall in love with them but how would you feel if someone did that to you? I can’t say that I’ve done this to anyone because anytime I felt that I wasn’t in it I would remove myself from the relationship or at least let the other person know. Now if they chose to stay knowing how I felt than they got what they deserve. Not a heart breaker but I don’t play with anyone’s emotions either. This is why I and my daughter’s father didn’t work out. He loved me but I knew that I could not give him what he needed and I know if we tried again; he wouldn’t be able to give me what I needed. So no point in trying, don’t you agree!

I will say this, don’t give your heart to anyone who doesn’t deserve it because once your heart has been broken it can take a long time for it to mend back together. Love yourself enough to know that when someone loves you that they will love you just as much as you love yourself.


MERRY CHRISTMAS AND AS ALWAYS THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT!!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Afraid of change

Why are most people afraid of change? They’re afraid of change because it’s different; it’s out of their comfort box.  They feel that if they allow change in their life that they will lose control. I will explain what I mean by control My step father as strong as he is has a fear of change. He is always afraid of change because of the sense of not being in control. He knew where his next pay check was coming from. He knew when he needed to go to the doctor if something wasn't feeling right. He knows if he pays his rent he'll have a roof over his head. In his mind he even knew that he would have his wife around for a long time. However the day my mom got sick and until the day she died he had no control over that. He felt a sense of loss and control and he didn't know how to deal with it. He was now forced to change everything about his life. He no longer would wake up next to her (change). He would no longer be able to spend the important days that meant the most to th...
Read more

My struggle with single life

I was up at 2:30 am this writing this. I laid in bed and started thinking about writing a post. I didn’t know if I wanted to just continue with my journey which isn't hard to write about since it’s my past. However I couldn’t help but think about my struggle with being single. The thoughts started clouding my mind and it literally forced me out of bed and I immediately started writing. I’ve always wonder what my purpose in life is. This is a question that has been bothering me forever. There are many talents that I’ve been blessed such as writing, cooking, and being a role model. The one talent  that God has called me to do I struggle with because I’m unsure  that my purpose is to much for me and that’s why I’m at a standstill in my life. Writing is my outlet to life and it helps people understand me better. Being a role model is something that makes me feel really good to know that I have touched their lives in some way or another. I just don’...
Read more

True Colors

I swear I've been through so many tough obstacles in my life and I've gotten through them all with God. However something's never seem to change when it comes to people. They always seem to show their true colors after a while. I'm going to write about some of the many challenges that I've gone through with my non sexual life (lol), men, phony people and different things. However throughout this blog I will never mention anyone by name because I'm not trying to get sued...lol especially over the truth and yes I said the truth. It maybe my truth but I'm going to keep it 100% real. I'm going to touch on Men today because it seems that's the main bullshit that I've been dealing with now a day Mr. Nice Guy: That's what I'm going to call the guy that I will be talking about, however his name may change during the blog and you'll see why...lol I started talking to Mr. Nice guy through an online dating website (yes online) the c...
Read more