Stumbling Blocks!

Have you ever moved one step forward only to be pushed back five steps. I think we all have been in the place or are still in the place right now. I can honestly say that I've been in this place so many times. It amazes me that I am still able to stand my ground and not crumble to the floor.

Since I was little I always saw myself being a nurse, a writer and a mom. I also remember wanting to get married and have the big house with the white picket fence and maybe a fish...Lol you get it I always had big aspirations for myself even as child. Let’s see out of all of my wants I've accomplished one and that's being a mom. It’s the most humbling one (being a mom) and I'm so blessed that I have a daughter. However I didn't get married (had the opportunity), no fish, not a nurse and I definitively didn't get the big house. Now as far as being a writer I believe I have that quality and the talent to be a writer but my full potential as a writer hasn't been seen. I'm thankful that I started this blog so that I can showcase my talent but I have two books that are just sitting idle. Yes, I know I can publish them myself and that requires money. I had many opportunities to get this started for myself but life didn't see it that way. Setbacks can be a mother f’er and we all have them. (Hence the title) How many people get tired of the saying, when one door closes the other one opens. Well for me I feel like sometimes the next door is bolted so that I can’t get in that one either. (Just being honest) How about don't worry about that opportunity because something better will come along. Well the opportunity still hasn't come and I've been waiting. This can cause some to have mental breakdowns, go into depression or become suicidal. It's the truth and people have to come to terms with the curve balls life gives us.

I'm not trying to say that things won’t get better; I'm merely saying that when things aren't good people expect other to GET OVER IT! That's like someone saying to me your mother is in a better place and you should remember that God has her. Uh, yeah I know that and does it make it any better that they said that “NO” it does not. However, I know that there are reasons I can’t allow myself to fall into any of the categories (depression, suicidal...Etc) I've been in a place in my life when life was good, not great but very good. I had a lot going for myself, apartment, job, car, bills paid and good health. There were times where I struggled and felt that things couldn't get any worse. Wrong! it did get worse and all I could do is ask God what now and guess what he showed me. I'm not trying to funny either I'm serious. Be careful what you ask God because he will show you when you least expect it.

Let me explain, I moved back to New York last year because I thought I was done with living in Georgia. I missed my family and the girls (my sisters who I raised) were finished with school. Now I didn't take into consideration at the time that I was taking away the opportunity for my daughter to experience the life of going to a good school. (Sorry I don't like the school system in NY) I prayed about the move before I did it and there were things that were pointing me back in that direction. So, I did it and my parents couldn't have been happier that I was moving back home. However, I wasn't moving back to my own space (didn't think so much about this) I was moving back home with my parents. Now I lived in a three bedroom fully furnished apartment and I was now about to move back into a 4 bedroom apartment which was occupied with my parents and one sibling. So I had to down size to me trying to fit most of my stuff into my old bedroom that I would now share with my daughter. What was I thinking you might say! Don't worry because right when I got to Brooklyn I thought the same exact thing. Anyway, the first couple of days where fine but then I felt a sense of doubt come over so strong. All I could do was cry and call my best friend who lived in Georgia. She gave me some encouraging words and told me to stay strong. (She wanted me to come back but didn't say it) Then I asked God after already praying about this move prior to moving, did I make the right choice. Long story short I eventually started working which was a good thing but I had begun to be behind on my other bills I had some savings and that came and went. I was working but that was to get me out of the hole I had dug myself in from the move (setback). I still didn't get what made me move because what I figured out was that everybody had a life. What I mean by that is I missed my family and thought me back would help that void I was having but it didn't. I think I hung out with my cousin’s maybe twice the whole time I was in NY. Here I am thinking before the move that I was going hang out, party and it be like old times. Nope, didn't happen that way and I started missing Georgia way more than I thought I was. I missed my Best friend, friends, family (from my dad’s side) and my Goddaughter. (Another setback) My siblings where all crazy and I found myself arguing about stupid stuff and getting stressed out. My daughter hated being there and often cried because I made her uproot her life. I felt like crap and decided that I had to find a way to move back to GA. (which meant I would have to start all over, ugh) to be cont... (So much more to it )