All work and no play!

As we get closer to the holidays I try and remain strong because this of course will be the first big holiday without my mom. I had a really bad breakdown the other day and it came out of nowhere. Well maybe it didn't come out of nowhere but I sure wasn't prepared for how bad it was. (This is just going to be a hard time for me) However, I had some really good people pray for me and with me during that time. I know many of us have lost a parent or loved one and during these times it can be difficult to deal with. I can say that I'm learning everyday what I can and cannot take. I'm not going to dwell on this much longer but I know that at times I will talk about it. It’s a hard loss and if you’re dealing with it then all you can do is pray. If you have your parents around then I say love on them and appreciate them while they’re here. This week I had two people that I love like family loses a mother and father and even though I went through a loss as well. All I could do is tell them was that I was sorry that they had to feel the pain of losing a part of their hearts. I don't know what to say during these times. 

Why, you may ask and it's simple as their pain will never be the same as my pain was when I lost my mom. I pray for their comfort and I ask that you do the same for them as well. On another note work has been great and I've been meeting some great people while working. My hours have been crazy and between working and sleeping I'm trying to balance my blog so I can keep you guys updated.

I'm still single...lol and at this point I haven't even tried looking. I gave up the online dating scene (yes, I've tried and know folks who are together from meeting online) because I keep chatting with these dudes that I know just have one thing in mind. To get some and I'm not giving in that easy for a one night stand. Don't get me wrong I have had some urges and wanted to just call my old jump off. I haven't done it but I have seen him recently. He works in the same area I work in. He's been hinting that he wanted to come visit me and I just stuck my middle finger at him. I've invited him more than once and each time it was an excuse I feel it’s because he has a girl and he just doesn't want to admit it. I have asked him if this was the case and he keeps telling me NO! Don't believe him at all and I won't fall for his charming ways again. (Secretly I want to just get it in one good time) Oh wait, Mr. NCM has been bothering me about having sex with him still and it’s not going to happen. He wanted to come by this weekend since I told him that I was home alone. I straight told him I hope he knows he's not getting any so why did he want to come over. He responded "he wanted to have sex but that he knew he wasn't going to get any" I explained to him that I was on my cycle and that I wasn't in the mood to be around anyone. He still wanted to come but all of sudden said that he had to wait until someone came over to watch his children. I knew right then that he thought he might get lucky and went I bust his bubble things changed. I don't have time for the games he be trying to play and I feel he's too old to be playing games. Long story short with him is he wanted to be a friend and now he has one and he will not get the benefit of know what it would be like to get some of my goodies. (His lost) Anyway, I'm sure he'll still call me and want to be all up in my business. I will continue to treat him like the dude that I don't really see like that. He wanted a friend and now he has one.

I will say that I've been having some conflicting feelings towards Mr. Right, Wrong Guy (check out the post on that one) He's still around and we cool and I wouldn't be surprised if he's reading this post. I know how crazy am I to let him read my blog. Well, I say I have nothing to hide and I've always kept it real with him and he knows it. He's been distance but still near and I'll explain what I mean by that. I've spoken to him maybe once or twice and it was just a general conversation. He's great to speak with and I honestly miss the way we were with each other. He was that go to guy and now I make sure that I don't say anything to make him feel awkward. It’s quite annoying and I don't get it. I get why he may be acting the way he's acting. I've asked other guys opinion on this subject and they all say the same thing, it could be one of two things. He could be seeing if I am willing to be the side chick or He feels like he needs to stay away because he feels I may jeopardize his relationship that he's in. First, I'm no side chick and second I would never want to come in between anyone's relationship. So yes I'm confused because I thought we were past the initial we both felt a little something but didn't allow it to fester. I can only speak for myself and that is that I don't feel like it’s that serious for me to not be able to speak to him like I would do normally. I told him I wouldn't continue to press him about talking to me because he has his reasons. I do feel that maybe he does feel something for me and as a man in a relationship he feels he needs to keep me at a distance. I know, I know I'm just going to leave this one alone and let things play themselves out. Guess I'll continue on my path of working and living my single life (boohoo) wish I wasn't shoot its cuddle weather and I would love to do just that CUDDLE. Oh well on that note I will catch y'all next time... 


Have a safe holiday and eat until you can't eat anymore. Happy Thanksgiving!!

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