I'm no ones' distraction

I'm just sitting here and I get a text from this guy that I haven't heard from in years. I'm thinking to myself what the hell does he want. I will admit that for some reason he was on my mind last week. (But it was because I was horny and he was someone that had the best oral) You know I keep it real and I'm not going to sugar coat anything. Then I have Mr. NCM still texting me and telling me how much he wants me. I straight tell him that he's a damn fool and I'm not the one for games. I finally told him that I didn't know if he liked me or was I just a distraction when he was bored. (I shouldn't care but he's so persistent like he really likes me) He doesn't show that he likes me until he's behind a phone texting or speaking to me about what he likes or what he could do to me. I'm really just over it and I don't have time for him. 

However, it made me mad and this is the reason why I'm writing this post. I don't hear from you for forever and then you hit me up. Why is always the question I ask when I'm hit up with random I miss you text. He wanted to tell me how he's a different guy and he wants to see me. The last time I remember anything about him was that he was annoying and he had the potential to be a stalker (that's why he didn't get the cookies). I even went so far to put his name in my phone as Annoying R. (won’t give his name) Now you've changed and you trying to come for me. His response was "you’re a very attractive woman, have a good heart and I want to still be a part of your life" In my mind I'm thinking seriously!! I told him how it was funny that he had hit me up because I had a moment last week about him. Just like a man he asks me would I like a better moment then he gave me before. How is it that he feels like I was saying that he completely satisfied me? Hence, why I am not with him and I never tried to even build a relationship with him. I will admit that during the time he came into my life I had just moved down here to Georgia. I was desperate to get my daughters father out my head and for some reason at the time he did just that. The conversation was great and we would be on the phone for hours at time. That is until we had an intimate moment and all hell broke loose. He started suffocating me and I wasn't having it. I did like him but not to be with him. He always told me I was afraid to love again because of my daughter’s dad. He could have been right and if he felt that way then he should've given me my space to breathe. I know I wanted my cake and eat to but I just wanted the cake to sit there and be pretty until I was ready to eat it. (Meaning he may have been someone I would've been interested in if he wasn't so pushy) Anyway back to him:  I laughed and thought about his question for a bit and I actually got aggy. I told him I don't just want moments and that I wanted more than that. I've been there done that and don't get me wrong I think about those moments all the time. Although I do that often because I'm single and haven't gotten laid in months. I still want more than what anyone is trying to sell me. You can’t sell a dream to the dreamer and that's what some folks don't get. I don't need anyone to sell me the white picket fence theory. It’s not real life and that's why I am single because I'm not gullible to the lies that men tell to woman. I'm not saying that all men are like this but the ones I've come across still try and do that. I got headache thinking about this shit!

I mean I know what I want but it seems like bullshit keeps being thrown at me. I just want to be able to meet someone who I can trust and love. I don't need anyone to be infatuated with what they see on the outside ( I'm far from perfect but I very confident no matter what) It’s like I let one wall down and as soon as they start chipping at it two more are built in place of that one. I'm not afraid of love but I'm also not willing to accept moments. I just don't get it and it seems like it’s going to be forever before I do. I bet your saying well you have to give people a chance and I say to that how many chances do you give them before your done with them. Until next time...

(not my picture)

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