Jays Journey!

Today marks the one year anniversary of my mother’s passing. I am torn by my emotions, I don't know if I want to cry, scream, hit something or just be alone. I know God is the reason I was able to get through this year. To be honest I thought I was going to find myself being really depressed and alone. Thank God for great friends and family but most of my beautiful daughter who keeps me smiling. I know most of ya'll will be partying and getting ready to bring in this year smiling. I will be remembering my mother with videos and picture to soothe my pain. I ask that you pray for me and my family in this time of sorrow. I miss her and wanted to share something I wrote to her right after she died. May you sleep in peace my angel; I love you and miss you always My heart heavy from the pain in your eyes Helpless because I can't take you away My eyes water and tears began to stream down How can I help you How can I make you feel better I need you We need you How can I s...

I just had the best sleep  I've  had in a very long time. Work was crazy busy and today has been the only day I had off except Christmas. I even thought about working today but I was like heck nah, I’m done for now that is. It was a seasonal position but they offered me a full time position that will start in a week or two. I’m grateful no complaints from me. I killed them in overtime this week. Anyway, while I was laying down sleeping (trying to go back) this morning I kept coming up with what I wanted to write about and I just popped up and made my coffee, brushed my teeth and washed my face.. Guess I like ya’ll that much that I felt the need to share my thoughts with you. Even though I should be trying to get some rest and enjoy that I’m not standing on my feet for eight or more hours or in front of a computer…lol  Oh well I got some good stuff to talk about and I hope you enjoy it. The last couple of days I’ve been waking up with a smile and being a bit horn...

So this is the first Christmas without my mom and all I can say is that it has been rough.  I know I shouldn’t allow it to affect my holiday but it’s hard and I’m trying to make it through the best way I know how. However, looking at my daughter smile this morning was what I needed to continue pressing through. Last night wasn’t so good, I had 4 cups of wine and it didn’t help me out one bit. I was still crying and drinking at the same damn time..lol Its wasn’t funny then but now I can laugh a little because I didn’t think it would help anyway.. Well one must try, right! Even through my pain, I still manage to have a short topic to write about. The truth hurts but sometimes we all have to face the facts of what it is and in my case I will explain what I mean I always wonder how people can say in one breath that they don’t love the person there with but at the same time tell the person that they claim not to love that they love them. I mean come on if you don’t love a person wh...

This entry is erotic and it was just the way I was feeling so I wrote a little something to clear my head. As always this may not be for everyone, I hope you can enjoy it as an much as I did..lol  Shhh, it’s a secret I close my eyes, I imagine I imagine his hands touching me places that he  shouldn't My breast, my thighs, my ass His lips pressed against mine Oh, how I yearn for his touch My legs wrapped around his waist The embrace so powerful I just want to stay in that position forever The passion in his eyes The way he touches my check My body quivering, my heart pulsating I want him in such a way that I could only imagine It’s my secret that I desire to know how he feels deep inside me I can feel the arch in my back as he slides his dick in and out my pussy I can feel the moisture of my juices flow down my legs My legs began to shake as I feel an orgasm building up He can see the look in my face, it’s almost there Wait don’t slow d...

I've been feeling like I've been at my breaking point but I know that God has the final say in all that I do. Hope you all enjoy! How much can be thrown my way before I begin to break Death Sickness Unemployment Lost love I pray but does that mean I cannot feel Hurt Anger Resentment Who should I direct these feelings toward? Is it God? Is it Man? Who can explain to me why when I'm doing the right thing All I keep getting is pushed back When I scream No one listens When I cry No one sees me I am human, can you not see that too My flesh is colored My voice is different My talents are that of my own given by God But all of this does not change the mere fact that I'm looked at as A provider, a leader, a woman of Christ A mother, a sister Super woman Who me I'm still trying to find my way I'm still trying to understand why when I cry no one sees me or when I'm screaming PLEASE HELP ME no one hears m...

I needed to vent and get this out before I blew my top. I swear when you try to be friends people don't know how to just accept that without feeling like everyone has an ulterior motive..Shit this is why I'm single with very few real friends.  Dear Mr. Mixed Emotions,                 I can't deal with your mixed emotions. I thought I was being a friend to you. I told you that my mind wasn't on being with you. You say that you are still in love with your ex. I'm no one’s fool and I will never play second place to anyone. You kept playing theses movies in your head but you need to stop and look at reality in the face. She is not in your life and she's not for a reason. I was trying to be a part of your life but you can't see past fucking me. Sorry for being so blunt but damn I was just trying to be your friend. When I prayed for you I prayed for the healing of your heart and mind so that you can have peace. Not for God to show you wh...

I Know I normally don't share my poetry but I will start. It amazes me how God allows my mind to transform words on paper. I hope you enjoy His energy is like lightning and she's been struck by its surging power She's stuck in a trance not knowing which way to turn how can she break free? Does she want to break free! Questions that cloud her judgment on what it is she really desire is it Friendship Love Sex Spiritual Wisdom Concentrating on the very thought of what can and cannot be The desires of her thoughts invades the space she had in her heart for real love But again she stuck in his trance Not wanting to break free Not wanting to be hurt But knowing that there's a chance that it may not be Waiting for the sun (his voice) to shine so that she could see through the precipitation that had her mind and heart intertwined Inspired by His love His strength His spirit But most of all his power (His comeback) Lightning has struck once aga...

What defines a real man? Is it his bank account, material things, etc. I'm only going off of my perspective of what I believe a real man to be. Don't go quoting me on what I think a real man is and start no argument with your man...lol This again is blog is only based on my opinion and if I feel that I have something that can verify what I've stated then I will show that in my post. Now I think I've met some really intelligent, financially, spiritually, and physically attractive men in my life and I can say that I have come across some that I will say are real men. Not the ones who play games and front about their lives when they really don't have it like that. I was just responding to this guy who tweeted “I made up in my mind never to trend any tweet because I love her and I don't want her to feel suspicious. What am I??" Well I responded a real man and the reason why I tweeted that was because if he took the time out to consider her feelings and he doe...

Tell me why black woman hate on each other. Do they not know the struggles our ancestors had to face because of their color? They didn’t fight against each other, they worked with each other, and they protected each other. So question is why we segregate each other.  Then we complain how the other races always look down on us. We do that by ourselves without the help of anyone else. Now days you can’t even give a black woman a compliment without them thinking malicious thoughts behind it.  Why do you feel like everyone that is nice to you has an ulterior motive behind being nice? Why the insecurities, why the walls built up? I am just like you! I’ve gone through struggles, (still are at this very moment) I’ve lost people in my life that I loved dearly (that’s why you should appreciate life). I know the struggles of being a black woman. Shoot, I know the struggles of being a single black mother. However, that doesn’t make me bitter against the next bl...

How can I ignore that I want a person to be in my life. I cannot talk them but the yearning to hear their voice can sometimes over power of my heart. My heart is kind of torn because I feel I can love this person but he can't give me what I need and I have to respect him for acknowledging that he can't. As disappointed as I am (my heart hurts) I love that he isn't willing to put what we have right now in jeopardy to appease how I'm feeling right now. He knows that what we could have could be great. His self discipline and love he has for he makes me like him that much more. However I don't want to be hurt by waiting on him to figure things out only to find out it is not me he wants. I've prayed and asked God (prior to my conversation tonight) to let me know what I should do as far as him being in my life. Well he confirmed that he wants me to be in his life but he also feels I'm a distraction. I'm confused and disappointed about all of this. I'll le...

Hey ladies and gents. This post that I’m about to do may or may not offend some people who know me personally. However this isn't my intent but you should already know that I keep it 100% real with you and I will not change that on a count of someone taking it the wrong way. Let me brief you on what I’m writing about so you can understand why I said what I did, you ever really sit down and evaluate who is real and who isn't real in your life. Well over time I have and I’ve really tried to give people the benefit of the doubt. However, that doubt was very true and I should’ve followed my heart and let it go. Not everyone is supposed to be in your life forever, sad but in this case very true. You all should know by now that I am big advocate for making sure you always put family first but this topic applies to them to. I apologize to anyone reading this post and you’ve taken offense to what I’ve said because you see yourself in what I’m saying. Now the stories may all have o...

I hope everyone enjoyed there holidays whether you spent it alone or with family. I spent mine working all night long. Yes, I did say working on Thanksgiving Day. It was actually my fault I didn't realize that I had put in for the day and when I tried to give it away, no one wanted it. I was so upset because my best cousin came down to spend time with me and I was busy at work. People really shop on Thanksgiving Day and the only reason they do this is to get those great deals. Don’t get me wrong I don’t blame anyone for their hustle but I mean don’t you want to spend that time with your family and friends if given the opportunity. I can tell you this and I mean this with everything in my soul. I WILL NEVER WORK ON THANKSGIVING DAY AGAIN! I wanted to be home so that I  could enjoy my food which I did not because I knew if I had eaten to much that I would’ve never been able to work until 5:30am ( yup you heard me). Not only did I work thru thanksgiving, I worked the whole entire wee...