Jays Journey!

As we get closer to the holidays I try and remain strong because this of course will be the first big holiday without my mom. I had a really bad breakdown the other day and it came out of nowhere. Well maybe it didn't come out of nowhere but I sure wasn't prepared for how bad it was. (This is just going to be a hard time for me) However, I had some really good people pray for me and with me during that time. I know many of us have lost a parent or loved one and during these times it can be difficult to deal with. I can say that I'm learning everyday what I can and cannot take. I'm not going to dwell on this much longer but I know that at times I will talk about it. It’s a hard loss and if you’re dealing with it then all you can do is pray. If you have your parents around then I say love on them and appreciate them while they’re here. This week I had two people that I love like family loses a mother and father and even though I went through a loss as well. All I could d

So let me tell you what I have going on and why I haven't updated my post. First I do apologize to my readers because I'm normally on it every other day. However, as I stated before I am working now and my schedule is absolutely crazy. Which means that my post will not be as often as I like it to be? I promise you that I will keep you updated with everything that is going on. The last post I put up was about doing throw the rock and hide. I honestly haven't even read what I wrote because I think I was sleep writing...Lol If there is such thing because I was half asleep but felt the need to write so I did just that. Anyway I do have a little of what's been going on with me. Let’s see.... So I got a call from Mr. Annoying R, he tried to go off on me about not giving him some quality time. Well excuse the hell out of me, the last time I checked you where not my man and I sure enough didn't plan on making you my man...lol As harsh as that may sound he's still t

These walls are real and continually building with each rock thrown. They constantly throw rocks but yet they  hide who they are. They hide the truth with falsifying every word that comes out of their mouths. Who are they? Who are they trying to impress? Wait they week call themselves your friend, they call themselves your family, but still they throw these rocks to hurt you. Huh,  you may not understand because you thought they loved you. The power of the tongue is just like being slashed with a sword. So they still throw rocks after you've cried out in pain. Who can you trust anymore. Is it her, is it him, just look in the mirror and see that's the only person you can trust is you. I will not say that this is always the case but in some instances it is. I've been in the place before where I was lied to and cheated on. How did I survive it all, you may ask me. By building walls to prevent anyone from getting close. My question to myself has always been "

So Thanksgiving was good as usual and I don’t think I could’ve asked for a better one. Christmas was coming and my mom was already buying decorations and a tree. Her tradition is right after Thanksgiving she puts up her tree and she decorates the hallway on our floor. She was super excited because she was about to have two more additions to the family. My younger sister was pregnant with her first son and my only brother wife was pregnant with her third child and it was a little girl. She always got excited around the holidays and made sure that all the kids had candy on Halloween, Easter baskets made by her. She loved the kids and she was kind of sad because she couldn’t have a huge Christmas like she always did. She had promised that next year would different (2013) because she would start early. I told her not to worry because she can only do what she could do.  Christmas came so fast and I knew that during this time my job could end. My position was only temporary so this came as

So today is one of those days that I really don't know what I want to write about. This rarely happens to me because I always have something to write about. Well I have many mixed emotions about my life right now and the direction I see it going. I'm happy I finally have a job. Not what I wanted but grateful to have one. I guess this post maybe one that I talk about a little of everything that's going on. Here it goes Now I wanted to get the job with corrections so bad that I didn't realize that when I filled out the application I hadn't put that I smoked weed before (yes, we all have a past) and on the hiring packet I put that I tried it a couple of times way back when I was younger. So guess who got a letter in the mail saying that my application didn't match up with the hiring packet. Yup stupid me, I was sick just looking at the letter. I couldn't believe that I did that. I wasn't trying to hide anything but I also don't remember what I put

You may ask why I think he's the best producer out there and I'll tell you why I know he is and what I know about Jimi Kendrix. ( The Multi-Grammy, Multi-Platinum and Gold Award winning Producer ) I know that he's a great father, motivator, musician, son and brother. I did forget to mention that he is my brother. Now this could make me seem bias about other producers but I'm not. I know about HIS journey throughout this music industry and I've seen him put his everything into what he loves. This right here is his life and you can ask anyone that know him. Yes, I did say his life ! Music is his life, His children are his life and his family is his life. I can go on and on about his life but I'll show you better than I can tell you. Check out "BringThaHeat" contest and show him that your about business. If  your not then this right here isn't the right fit for you. All talent welcomed but real talent is what he's looking for. No time for gam

So it’s late and I normally don't blog just because but tonight is just one of those nights So I've been thinking about my life and all that I've gone through. This year had been the most trying year for me. Lost my mom, and moved back to Georgia. Staying with my best friend who is the truly definition of a Real Friend. I swear I couldn't have asked God for a better friend then her. How we met was through the grace of God. It amazes me every time I think about it. Not really going go all deep about how we met but one day I'm sure I will. Tonight is just another night of me reflection on the endless blessings that God had given me. Despite the times I've turned my back on him because I felt that my life was just it. I was going to be stuck in my own self pity forever. I'm human and no one can ever say they haven't turned their back on God. It may sound harsh but when you start to lose faith and allow the enemy to set foot in your space. You start b

I think we all have either been put in the friend zone or we have placed someone there. In either case it turns out to be a good thing or bad. I've been placed in the friend zone and I've definitely put guys I've met there as well. On that note, I have to tell you my experience from both aspect of the friend zone. There was this guy that I was talking to and we connected very fast. (To fast if you ask me) The conversations were always on point but there was one thing that he would always say to me. He would tell me that he wasn't looking for a serious relationship and wanted to be friends. I felt kind of bad at first because I thought we were working on getting to know each to work on being together. This was the first time in a long time that I allowed my walls to be let down some. Since he mentioned that he wanted to be friend only, I asked him was he sure he just wanted to be friends. He said he was very sure and I told him once he goes in the friend zone he wou

I'm just sitting here and I get a text from this guy that I haven't heard from in years. I'm thinking to myself what the hell does he want. I will admit that for some reason he was on my mind last week. (But it was because I was horny and he was someone that had the best oral) You know I keep it real and I'm not going to sugar coat anything. Then I have Mr. NCM still texting me and telling me how much he wants me. I straight tell him that he's a damn fool and I'm not the one for games. I finally told him that I didn't know if he liked me or was I just a distraction when he was bored. (I shouldn't care but he's so persistent like he really likes me) He doesn't show that he likes me until he's behind a phone texting or speaking to me about what he likes or what he could do to me. I'm really just over it and I don't have time for him.  However, it made me mad and this is the reason why I'm writing this post. I don't hear f

   So I know I haven't blogged in a couple of days and I do apologize to those who look forward to a new post from me. I had to step away from the computer and get me thoughts together (still doing that) and regroup. I can write all the time but at some point you have to give your brain a break. I don't want to overload my mind and then get writers block. Its happen to me plenty of times...Lol I just wanted to keep you all in the loop and let you know that I appreciate all the support that you give me. Now I do have a little to talk about but it won’t be as much as I normally write. So, I was hit on by this young man (he was 21 years old) and it was the cutest thing ever! I was just shopping at Krogers and of course I was looking cute (tights, shirt, boots, and jean jacket). However I didn't think anyone would approach me. I was at the self checkout line and out of know where here comes this boy smiling so hard. I was thinking to myself why is this boy smiling so har

Have you ever moved one step forward only to be pushed back five steps. I think we all have been in the place or are still in the place right now. I can honestly say that I've been in this place so many times. It amazes me that I am still able to stand my ground and not crumble to the floor. Since I was little I always saw myself being a nurse, a writer and a mom. I also remember wanting to get married and have the big house with the white picket fence and maybe a fish...Lol you get it I always had big aspirations for myself even as child. Let’s see out of all of my wants I've accomplished one and that's being a mom. It’s the most humbling one (being a mom) and I'm so blessed that I have a daughter. However I didn't get married (had the opportunity), no fish, not a nurse and I definitively didn't get the big house. Now as far as being a writer I believe I have that quality and the talent to be a writer but my full potential as a writer hasn't been seen.