Listen to your heart
I wasn’t going to write tonight but I felt that I needed to get something off my mind. What better way to do it than to write and get it out of my system.
Today I woke up feeling okay but there was something that had been bothering me over the weekend. I got a message from him asking if I was with child (it was a strong possibility, we all get caught up in the moment that could change our lives forever) and it threw me off because we haven’t spoken in forever and I get a message like that. I hit him back and told him that he would be the first to know if that’s what it is. So I hit him today to let him know that he no longer had to worry or concern himself with thoughts of me and him being parents. He said that he didn’t want to be a baby dad and didn’t want me to be a baby mama. He said marriage, and then a baby and I agree with him on that. I told him that it was best that I wasn’t right now with everything going on. Besides what’s going on who wants to have a child with someone they don’t like. Then it becomes the typical stereo type relationship between a man and woman who has a baby that wasn’t planned nor where they in a relationship. I deserve more than that and I’m honestly blessed that I do not have to go through another failed relationship and becoming someone’s baby mother. I deserve wife status period!! So with that said, he replied back and said that if I had been he knew that I would’ve made life work even better with a child as he would’ve too. He said we (him and I) should use this momentum that we would have if I were with child and press even harder… Like there’s life on the way! Because actually there will be someday. Then he had the nerve to say thanks for sharing the good stuff with him (my betty..lol) I told him simply this, I’m good on having another child and that I have a child who needs me to be the best that I can be for the both of us. I couldn’t believe what I was reading and I wanted to respond really harsh because after all the levels we connected on; one would think that it would’ve played out different for us. I left it alone and told him about a special we had going on and he told me that he was on his way to Hawaii. Huh, I was like what the hell and just told him to enjoy his trip. This messed my head up for a minute, we hadn’t talked in about a month and now you’re going to Hawaii. My mind went straight to the ex girlfriend and I thought to myself this man be playing games. I took a deep breath and said to myself it doesn’t matter what he does with his life and since we have no ties or commitments it should be easy to let it go. I kept analyzing the scenario of him and her on the beach and his mind clear of me being with child.
I got home and told my best friend who of course was rooting for us to work out our differences at first but now she has no words when it comes to him. Her thoughts on the conversation were that he took his ex to Hawaii and he needs to stop trying to play games. Her words “Don’t worry your Mr. Right will be here soon” I love her for always trying to keep my spirits up even when I feel like sometimes I’m just going to be alone. I took a nap after I had a quick bite to eat and that’s the wrong thing to do. My dreams were all over the place and of course he was in them and he kept questioning me about where I slept the night before and he was angry because I wasn’t sharing anything with him as I normally would. I felt he had no right to ask me anything and he didn’t understand that. Eventually I woke up and didn’t really try and figure out the meaning of the dream. I drank some of my wine I had from Valentine’s Day and I took a step outside to breath because my thoughts were becoming really vicious towards him. I wanted to text or email him and told him to lose my number and never to contact me again. I will admit I was thinking with my head and not my heart. As I closed the door I asked God to take away my pain and do what he needed to do to reassure me that things were going to be okay. I came back in and I felt good. I took a shot of grey goose and talked with my bestie and husband and as I was talking to them my phone rang and it was someone that’s important to both me and him. She called to tell me that she wasn’t feeling good and she wanted to let me know that he went to Hawaii…lol All I could do was laugh and I told her that he had texted me and told me already. She seemed excited that I knew and I told her that it didn’t mean anything because we still weren’t friends. She asked did I know who went on the trip with him and I told her it wasn’t my business. She told me that it was him and his siblings that were on the trip and that she was supposed to go but couldn’t get off the time from work. As much as I didn’t need her to tell me that he was with his siblings, it just made things feel better for me. I still care and it would’ve hurt knowing that he went with her at this time. Maybe if months had past than I know I would be okay with it but right now I’m still letting my wounds heal.I’m human and things happen but I’m growing and learning. I didn’t react with my mind I prayed and asked God to work with my heart and he did because I could’ve emailed him on his trip and possibly made him feel bad during his trip and he’s suppose to be enjoying himself. (I wouldn't want that done to me, so I'm learning treat others how you want to be treated) Again,Growth and Wisdom is what I seek everyday and I’m happy to see that God is working through me.
On a good note my baby will be an official teenager next week and I’m going apartment hunting so that I can continue to get things in order for me and my baby girl.
Goodnight and as always thank you for your constant support by reading my blogs and for that I am truly grateful.
Wisdom and Peace We all should seek it!
Today I woke up feeling okay but there was something that had been bothering me over the weekend. I got a message from him asking if I was with child (it was a strong possibility, we all get caught up in the moment that could change our lives forever) and it threw me off because we haven’t spoken in forever and I get a message like that. I hit him back and told him that he would be the first to know if that’s what it is. So I hit him today to let him know that he no longer had to worry or concern himself with thoughts of me and him being parents. He said that he didn’t want to be a baby dad and didn’t want me to be a baby mama. He said marriage, and then a baby and I agree with him on that. I told him that it was best that I wasn’t right now with everything going on. Besides what’s going on who wants to have a child with someone they don’t like. Then it becomes the typical stereo type relationship between a man and woman who has a baby that wasn’t planned nor where they in a relationship. I deserve more than that and I’m honestly blessed that I do not have to go through another failed relationship and becoming someone’s baby mother. I deserve wife status period!! So with that said, he replied back and said that if I had been he knew that I would’ve made life work even better with a child as he would’ve too. He said we (him and I) should use this momentum that we would have if I were with child and press even harder… Like there’s life on the way! Because actually there will be someday. Then he had the nerve to say thanks for sharing the good stuff with him (my betty..lol) I told him simply this, I’m good on having another child and that I have a child who needs me to be the best that I can be for the both of us. I couldn’t believe what I was reading and I wanted to respond really harsh because after all the levels we connected on; one would think that it would’ve played out different for us. I left it alone and told him about a special we had going on and he told me that he was on his way to Hawaii. Huh, I was like what the hell and just told him to enjoy his trip. This messed my head up for a minute, we hadn’t talked in about a month and now you’re going to Hawaii. My mind went straight to the ex girlfriend and I thought to myself this man be playing games. I took a deep breath and said to myself it doesn’t matter what he does with his life and since we have no ties or commitments it should be easy to let it go. I kept analyzing the scenario of him and her on the beach and his mind clear of me being with child.
I got home and told my best friend who of course was rooting for us to work out our differences at first but now she has no words when it comes to him. Her thoughts on the conversation were that he took his ex to Hawaii and he needs to stop trying to play games. Her words “Don’t worry your Mr. Right will be here soon” I love her for always trying to keep my spirits up even when I feel like sometimes I’m just going to be alone. I took a nap after I had a quick bite to eat and that’s the wrong thing to do. My dreams were all over the place and of course he was in them and he kept questioning me about where I slept the night before and he was angry because I wasn’t sharing anything with him as I normally would. I felt he had no right to ask me anything and he didn’t understand that. Eventually I woke up and didn’t really try and figure out the meaning of the dream. I drank some of my wine I had from Valentine’s Day and I took a step outside to breath because my thoughts were becoming really vicious towards him. I wanted to text or email him and told him to lose my number and never to contact me again. I will admit I was thinking with my head and not my heart. As I closed the door I asked God to take away my pain and do what he needed to do to reassure me that things were going to be okay. I came back in and I felt good. I took a shot of grey goose and talked with my bestie and husband and as I was talking to them my phone rang and it was someone that’s important to both me and him. She called to tell me that she wasn’t feeling good and she wanted to let me know that he went to Hawaii…lol All I could do was laugh and I told her that he had texted me and told me already. She seemed excited that I knew and I told her that it didn’t mean anything because we still weren’t friends. She asked did I know who went on the trip with him and I told her it wasn’t my business. She told me that it was him and his siblings that were on the trip and that she was supposed to go but couldn’t get off the time from work. As much as I didn’t need her to tell me that he was with his siblings, it just made things feel better for me. I still care and it would’ve hurt knowing that he went with her at this time. Maybe if months had past than I know I would be okay with it but right now I’m still letting my wounds heal.I’m human and things happen but I’m growing and learning. I didn’t react with my mind I prayed and asked God to work with my heart and he did because I could’ve emailed him on his trip and possibly made him feel bad during his trip and he’s suppose to be enjoying himself. (I wouldn't want that done to me, so I'm learning treat others how you want to be treated) Again,Growth and Wisdom is what I seek everyday and I’m happy to see that God is working through me.
On a good note my baby will be an official teenager next week and I’m going apartment hunting so that I can continue to get things in order for me and my baby girl.
Goodnight and as always thank you for your constant support by reading my blogs and for that I am truly grateful.
Wisdom and Peace We all should seek it!
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