Choose your words wisely!

I’m learning more and more about the stuff that I can tolerate in my life but the one thing that I still can’t tolerate is bullshit.  I am far from perfect and I know my emotions at times can get the best of me. However I see my wrong doing and I admit to my mistakes. You can’t tell me you love God in one breath and tell me that I mean nothing to you in the next.  We serve a forgiving and loving God so if your brother/sister comes to you with open arms you turned them away. Let’s get to the main issue at hand on this blog.

I’ve been dealing with the possibility of never talking to my friend (Mr. Wrong, right guy) again but I’ve come to this conclusion that I’m okay with it. Last night I was reading this book Why Not You? By Valorie Burton (a must read) and in reading the introduction I felt this surge of strength come over me out of nowhere. I started to give god praise and I tweeted my thoughts and I just had to get up from what I was doing and start to pray. My reason for saying this was in that moment my friend popped up in my mind and God said to forgive him fully and move on past the hurt. I texted him and told him that I forgive him for giving me the hope that our relationship could be more than friends. We talked about raising our kids together, building a house together and we even talking about having a child together. What woman wouldn’t want to have this type of man who says all the right words to her? Yes there just words but I tell you words are very powerful and they have a lasting effect.  I said all that I needed in the text and I felt that it was the right thing to do. However, this morning the message I got was a slap in the face and I was in total disbelief. To make it short and simple he told me that I could not be his friend because my perception was different then his. He could not trust me nor was he going to try and manage my emotions  and to top all that off he told me that we were not friends in fact he said that we where NOTHING to each other. Talk about a blow to the gut! Yes he was serious and I thought if I should even reply to his message. I did and I simply said I will not try to fix something that cannot be changed. I will not allow someone to mess with my emotions ever again. He had made himself perfectly clear and I will not fight him on it. I will not beg nor cry about someone who in one breath told me he wanted to build a lifetime; to you can’t trust me and I mean nothing to you.  I just started to erase everything about him out my phone; pictures’, text messages, Skype contact etc. Everything that he told me in the past months that we had built in our relationship was gone. God doesn’t forgive you and tell you that he doesn’t want to have anything else to do with you.  I thought to myself how the enemy will try and do anything he can to make you lose focus. I didn’t lose focus but I will admit I cried for a few minutes because I tried to understand how this man of God who I gave nothing but praise to about being so different; isn’t that much different. (You can’t always put your trust in MAN) I have to keep it real folks I had my part in being overly emotional in this situation but I stopped myself and apologized before it got out of hand. Oh, and he did respond back to me but by that time all the messages were deleted and he said something about he’s hurt because we both lost something. I didn’t even let what his last texted process in my mind.  I said the heck with this man and his hidden emotions.  It’s his loss and it wasn’t the sex that changed anything it was him falling back that changed everything. 

If you feel that you can’t be yourself when starting any type of relationship than work on you first.  I heard the excuses to many times, I’m working on myself, I still have her in my heart and I don’t want to hurt you. Man, I promise you the next guy who comes at me with all this drama I am going to send him straight to my ex and my ex friend... lol. Enough is enough, men and woman be truthful about how you feel.  Consider others before you say something that you can’t take back. “Him saying that we were nothing” like I didn’t give him a part of me when I laid with him is something he can’t take back. He meant that and I mean what I’m saying too. I’m not holding anything against him at all but I’m not going to be anyone’s fool and try and assume he said that because he was hurting. Nope, I’ve been there done that. Why go back to the same mess I had in my past? I did learn a lesson throughout the time I did spend with him. I learned that when a man tells you that he isn’t ready to be your man despite the mixed signals he may give you. He’s not ready ladies and I wouldn’t wish anyone to go through being hurt to figure it out. It may have been extreme to totally block, delete and erase all things about him but why keep things to remind you of a failed relationship? Why tempted yourself with knowing that at anytime you could look at a picture, a text or even listen to a voicemail to remind you of them. Don’t do it because it will only hurt you.  Let go and Let God is my motto!! 

On another note he told me that he no longer reads my blogs because he wants me to write freely, as if I would do anything differently if he did read them. You’re not doing me any favors by not reading, I would love to hear what he thinks so I can write more about it…lol let me stop but it doesn’t bother me that he doesn’t read them anymore. Maybe its best he doesn’t so he doesn’t have to hide how he feels about what I said about him…lol Okay I’m really done now.

Until next time… thanks for reading