My struggle with single life

I was up at 2:30 am this writing this. I laid in bed and started thinking about writing a post. I didn’t know if I wanted to just continue with my journey which isn't hard to write about since it’s my past. However I couldn’t help but think about my struggle with being single. The thoughts started clouding my mind and it literally forced me out of bed and I immediately started writing.

I’ve always wonder what my purpose in life is. This is a question that has been bothering me forever. There are many talents that I’ve been blessed such as writing, cooking, and being a role model. The one talent  that God has called me to do I struggle with because I’m unsure  that my purpose is to much for me and that’s why I’m at a standstill in my life. Writing is my outlet to life and it helps people understand me better. Being a role model is something that makes me feel really good to know that I have touched their lives in some way or another. I just don’t want to feel like my life is slipping by and I’m still stuck in the same place.

I have wants, desires and needs just like everyone else. It’s like I’ve put my personal life on hold for the ones I love but at times I feel incomplete. I don’t regret helping raising my siblings but I believe I used that as an excuse to being single. I often wonder why I am still single, here I am young, beautiful, and intelligent and God fearing. Yet I'm single and it doesn’t bother me that I am. Don’t get me wrong I would love to be a wife and have more children. Is it in Gods plans for me I Don’t Know! I see so many of my classmates, friend and family that are in a relationship married or just involved. I’m not envious of them nor do I want what they have but it’s something that I do desire.

Although, what I‘m about to say may sound crazy but it’s about the relationship I had with him. The relationship wasn’t good for my soul because it drained me and I wasn’t happy with myself. The connection somehow still lingers between the both of us. We love each other but we also know that right now is not the time for us. How could a love that was once broken be mended again, through trust, prayer and forgiveness. So many people ask God to send them a good man to be there husband. Yet when asking for a good man you need to be specific when asking for your husband/wife. I ask god to send me my best friend (Someone you can confide in), lover (you understand what makes the other person feel good), enemy (at time he will feel like your worst enemy) and soul mate (the person that makes your heart function). I am his missing rib that bonds us together and a love no man can break, a love so strong that it goes beyond the connection between parents who have just had their fist born child. Wow! That’s a love that can’t be explained through words, it’s a love that has grown from a seed into a strong beanstalk. It’s still a struggle to know that he’s out there and it’s nothing I can do about it. Wait! But how long must one person take to realize that his connection is lost and that his signal is merely suppressed waiting for the right time. Is there a right time?