Jays Journey!

We all wish there was that somebody that we never met because we get hurt. However, we don't regret any of the good times but we always want to forget the bad. Life is just like a relationship, we can live with the blessings but don't want to go through the storm to get to them. No one saying that we should love being hurt I'm merely saying with love comes pain and with pain comes love. It's unfortunate but it's always a two for one package...smh. I know first hand what it feels like to be hurt and push it to the back burner and not deal with it. Then for some reason my relationships keep repeating itself and I find myself hurt, pushing it back, hurt again and pushing it back. However, I've learned that I had to get passed the hurt in order for me to open up and receive a different type of man. One who won't hurt me (hoping), love me unconditionally and doesn't have to try and fix the hurt I was feeling from the other men I've dated. It was time for ...

There is great power in the tongue. You can break, make, destroy and even kill someone with it. Although someone may have said or done something  wrong that has hurt you. Don't come back with the most hurtful thing you can say to make them feel like crap. It can be hard not to do that but as God said turn the other cheek, and What goes into a man's mouth does not make him 'unclean,' but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him 'unclean.' " (Matthew 15:11) your words are powerful. Use them to help build not Destroy. Be blessed

After all was said and done my mom was really gone and I was lost. The love and support that I got from so many friends and family was no longer there. However I still get the are you okay. I think to myself does it freaking look like I'm ok. Although that is not the response I give, I tell them I'm doing the best I can. Why is it hard for people to understand that it will never be ok, my mother its gone and I can't bring get back. My mothers day, Christmas, Thanksgiving, her birthday will never be the same. At times I feel myself being numb and stuck in trance of the illusion that its a dream. I didn't just bury my mom and pick out her outfit that she would where for the very last time. But I did and there its no changing that. She's gone and I will never be able to kiss her and make hey laugh to she almost pee her clothes. Yes this is all I have right now and that's my memories of her smiling, cursing, yelling and being happy. Dang if I could just get one wish...

Wow it’s been so long since I’ve even attempted to write anything. However this entry will be very personal and I’m putting my heart and soul into it. 2012 was a year that I will never forget in my life. It’s the year I had to say goodbye to my home, my friends and my best friend (my mommy). I moved back to New York because I felt the need to be closer to my family. I knew that for some reason this year was so much different than the years I wanted to move back home. I always called my mom when I was ready to come home and she always told me pray and ask God to give you strength. She told me how proud of me she was and didn’t want me to come back to New York to fail. I agreed and told her she was the best because I knew she was my number one supporter of the decisions I made in my life. However, this time when I called her crying and telling her that I want to come back, not knowing that it was the best decision she could’ve helped me with ever. She didn’t hesit...

I know that when you need to let someone or something that it should be easy. However, I still deal with the struggle of letting go of people. It’s easier for me to let things go but to know that I may not be able to have someone in my life bothers me. I know when their season in your life is over your suppose to move on and let it be. How do you not speak to someone that you've know forever. I find that it has gotten easier for me to do the older I get but I still question why did it have to end. How about when you've loved someone for years and they say to you that their no longer in love with you and they've found love elsewhere. How can you accept that and just move on from being hurt. That's why I try not to tell people how I feel because I've been hurt not because they don't feel the same way but because they do care.  I've recently felt this exact pain that I'm talking about. I was introduced to this guy through mutual friends and we hit off ...

He kept calling everyday trying to explain what was going on. I had no intentions on listening to anything else he had to say. He came over, and I made sure that I had my folks around me when he came. He tried to feed me the bullshit, that she didn't mean anything to him and that he loved me. He told me that my baby girl was never around her. Except, he didn't know that I had asked my baby girl (who is a genius and remembers everything) if she remember being in a car. She got excited and said that she was in the car with daddy and his girlfriend. She said that he had kissed his girlfriend in front of her. My heart was broken because I couldn't believe he could have no regards for our child. She seen us kissing and laying in the same bed with her and here he is kissing the next chick. He said that he was using her and that he could get whatever he wanted out of her. All I could think about was this chick and him having sex and kissing each other ( I'm a female what do yo...

Had a moment and I had to step back and evaluate the situation. I'm stronger than I realize and I am able to move past the many obstacles thrown in my way. I've prayed and asked God to show me things that only pertain to my life. He did just that and I will be the first to admit that all things happen for a reason. I cried and yelled but at the end of it all, I did the one thing that always bring me back to my right state of mind. I picked up a pen and my notebook and begin to express in words, the life I no longer will allow my self to remain in. Feelings of being hurt and alone. Yes, these are emotions that sometimes can't be control but when they get the best of you. You feel defeated and lost because of the pain that clouds over your head. Yes, its okay to cry but don't let those tears continue to fall even when the storm has passed. I wont look back and say why didn't I do this or that. I will look back and smile and say that I have overcome that obstacle. No...