When it's over!

So last night after writing my last entry It made me think about the sacrifices I’ve made for the sake of others. It made me very upset and I cried because I couldn’t call my mom and talk to her about it. It’s okay to be sad or even cry but never allow it to put you in a dark space. It’s refreshing to cry and let go of the pain and hurt you feel inside. Growing up I used to hold in everything and by the time I was ready to talk about it, too much time had past by. Honestly, if something or someone makes you feel away about anything, I feel you should talk about it right then. Whelp, let me continue why I chose to still be in a friendship that was one sided.

I stopped talking to her for a couple of months and during this time of not talking to her I found myself to be at peace. I started writing and sending out my morning messages but then she hit me up. I was hesitant to respond because deep down I knew she needed me in some way. I had mixed emotions because I cared about her and at times I did enjoy her company. I responded, and I was once again caught up in what was going on in her life. I stopped writing and sending out messages. My time was dedicated to her, my assistance was needed. I was staying over her place and going to work from there at times. I really couldn’t get any good sleep when I was there because she always needed me to do something. What I did notice is that she all sudden she didn’t require so much of my time and attention. My intuition told me she must have found someone else that was giving her attention. I was right and the only reason I found out was because we had an argument. She mentioned that I shouldn’t text her after 9pm. I was baffled by her response, especially when she would call and wake me out my sleep. Afraid of the dreams she was having of her dying in her sleep and needing me to stay on the phone to make sure she was good. Mind you I had work the next morning and now there were limitations on when I could text or call. I chose to fall back and let her do her thing. I didn’t want to deal with it any longer. However, I would get that reminder that she had to go to the doctors and couldn’t go by herself because of the side effects. It wasn’t my problem you may say but I was there from the beginning and now I couldn’t just leave knowing something could happen. Having a good heart could be a good and bad thing. In this case I was constantly feeling stupid for putting up with all that she was dishing out.  What could I do I was invested and now I felt obligated to see everything through. I’m not going to drag out this story because there is so much more that I need to get out. I will say that with everything that I went through with her, she finally got the Karma that was going to come back on her. What I mean by that is we planned a trip together to celebrate the miracle of God giving her a clean slate to start over with her life. To celebrate her birthday with no worries about treatments or side effects from the different drugs that she had to take. She met someone else at some point during us planning this trip and wanted her to come along. My feelings were never consider in this conversation she had with this woman. No we weren’t in a relationship but out of respect and consideration of why we were planning the trip, why invite someone who hasn’t been on the journey. It was paid for and all ready to go. I backed out and got my money. There was no way I was going to try and enjoy a trip I had planned with her and other friends. Karma set in when only two days before the trip the other women couldn’t make it and backed out at the last minute. Guess who she asked to come in replace of her because she couldn’t. I laughed and thought to myself, “treat people how you want to be treated”. Don’t use people for their love and kindness. You will not win when treating anyone wrong. If you’re wondering if I went on the trip, not!! I will not be put off for someone else who has not been there from the start. I was there from the beginning and end and now my time is done. I know everyone has a reason and season in our lives. I feel deep in my soul (prayed about it) that my season is finally over with this person.

When it’s over let it be, don’t keep holding on to someone or something that’s not worth it.  You have been a blessing and you’ve done what it was you were supposed to do. Sometimes you must do a cleansing of your spirit and that’s okay. Take your time so that the next time you will be prepared for what else God/universe or whoever it is you believe in has in store for you. Your mind, heart and soul must ready to take on the next task. Maybe it won’t be as harsh as mine or it may just be your soulmate. Either way you can’t be fulfilled with love and affection if your heart is closed off because of hurt someone else caused.  Be blessed and keep those hearts ready to be truly be loved by someone who will appreciate everything you bring to the table.

 

Until Next Time.