Pushing Through it all
These past few weeks have been crazy and I’m feeling depleted. My energy is low and I’m even losing weight. I’ve tried to understand why I am going through all that I am and still I can’t come up with anything. My grandfather died on Father’s Day and that really hurt my heart to the core. I was just planning a vacation to go back home and spend time with him. I didn’t make it and didn’t realize that the last time I would get to see him again would be in a casket; saying goodbye for the last time. I went back home for the funeral and to my surprise I found myself being depressed and it was because I was staying at my mother’s house. The memories were flooding my mind; I felt myself waiting for her to emerge from her room and say hello. That didn’t happen and I couldn’t take it. I cried for the time I was there, but I also found myself drinking the entire time I was there too. I couldn’t wait to leave, but I was also sad because I knew that it would be a long time before I see my family again.
I need to keep working on myself so that I don’t find myself in that place of being depressed. I have a daughter that I have to live for and I can’t do that to her or myself.
Let’s just say that the trip back home has definitely opened my eyes to who I can trust and who’s there for me. I thought when I got home that I would see everyone and party a little, but that didn’t happen. Why didn’t it happen; because everyone is and has always been doing their own thing? I know I don’t stop anyone show because I came up to visit, but I was still hoping to get some family time in. I sucked it up and got through the trip. It was hard as hell, but I made it. I feel like I still haven’t grieved over the death of my grandfather completely and that’s why I keep getting into these different moods. One minute I’m happy then next I want to cry. I’ve been praying and asking God to shift these moods and take me back to the place where I am at peace. I’m not at all getting religious, but I believe in Jesus Christ. I know he is the only reason I’m pushing through these awful situations I keep coming across. My faith has been shaken, but I’m pushing through. Do you get what I’m saying? As long as you keep on pushing through then you will be okay. Don’t be stagnate and think that you’re going to be okay. You have to PUSH through and believe that this too shall past. I’m just saying that I know who woke me up this morning. It wasn’t an alarm clock or my mind, but God did it. If you think you woke yourself up or that alarm did then good for you but what happen to those people that didn’t wake up this morning. I’m sure they set their alarms to wake up too. Okay, I’m done with that for now because my point has been made and received.
I just want to touch a topic that has been eating at my mind for the past week or so. It’s about knowing the purpose of the people you allow in your life. I always say everyone, that you meet has a purpose in your life. Now, are they supposed to stay in your life forever; maybe or maybe not? I know we meet people and we may have things in common or we may feel that it was fate that brought that person in your life (birthday, death of a loved one, etc.) So what happens is we allow the possibilities that because you feel you have this strong connection; this person is now supposed to be in your life forever. Wrong, wrong, wrong…lol, I don’t think everyone you meet is supposed to be in our lives forever. They may have a purpose in showing you some things in your life that you didn’t realize you may need to work on. Don’t keep them around for the hell of it because it will only cause you grief later on. Let it go and thank them for helping you realize whatever it is that you did. Don’t get caught up on a connection that can easily be broken the moment they feel they don’t need you anymore. Connections are meant to be broken but always remember there are some connections that can never be broken. Like the love between a mother and child or a father and child. Those are lasting connections even through death. I could go deeper into this, but I feel like it deserves its own blog. I’m just venting and writing about the things that I could’ve avoided. If only I took the time to see people for who they really were and things that I could’ve worked on within myself. Until next time
I need to keep working on myself so that I don’t find myself in that place of being depressed. I have a daughter that I have to live for and I can’t do that to her or myself.
Let’s just say that the trip back home has definitely opened my eyes to who I can trust and who’s there for me. I thought when I got home that I would see everyone and party a little, but that didn’t happen. Why didn’t it happen; because everyone is and has always been doing their own thing? I know I don’t stop anyone show because I came up to visit, but I was still hoping to get some family time in. I sucked it up and got through the trip. It was hard as hell, but I made it. I feel like I still haven’t grieved over the death of my grandfather completely and that’s why I keep getting into these different moods. One minute I’m happy then next I want to cry. I’ve been praying and asking God to shift these moods and take me back to the place where I am at peace. I’m not at all getting religious, but I believe in Jesus Christ. I know he is the only reason I’m pushing through these awful situations I keep coming across. My faith has been shaken, but I’m pushing through. Do you get what I’m saying? As long as you keep on pushing through then you will be okay. Don’t be stagnate and think that you’re going to be okay. You have to PUSH through and believe that this too shall past. I’m just saying that I know who woke me up this morning. It wasn’t an alarm clock or my mind, but God did it. If you think you woke yourself up or that alarm did then good for you but what happen to those people that didn’t wake up this morning. I’m sure they set their alarms to wake up too. Okay, I’m done with that for now because my point has been made and received.
I just want to touch a topic that has been eating at my mind for the past week or so. It’s about knowing the purpose of the people you allow in your life. I always say everyone, that you meet has a purpose in your life. Now, are they supposed to stay in your life forever; maybe or maybe not? I know we meet people and we may have things in common or we may feel that it was fate that brought that person in your life (birthday, death of a loved one, etc.) So what happens is we allow the possibilities that because you feel you have this strong connection; this person is now supposed to be in your life forever. Wrong, wrong, wrong…lol, I don’t think everyone you meet is supposed to be in our lives forever. They may have a purpose in showing you some things in your life that you didn’t realize you may need to work on. Don’t keep them around for the hell of it because it will only cause you grief later on. Let it go and thank them for helping you realize whatever it is that you did. Don’t get caught up on a connection that can easily be broken the moment they feel they don’t need you anymore. Connections are meant to be broken but always remember there are some connections that can never be broken. Like the love between a mother and child or a father and child. Those are lasting connections even through death. I could go deeper into this, but I feel like it deserves its own blog. I’m just venting and writing about the things that I could’ve avoided. If only I took the time to see people for who they really were and things that I could’ve worked on within myself. Until next time
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