My journey cont. Part 12

He said he loved me and I felt like a little girl who just got her first training bra..lol I felt special because I knew that he really did love me. However I turned things up a notch and became even meaner than I was before. He was still sticking around and at this point he was like he was immune to the drama I tried to stir up in our relationship. We weren't having sex and I of course was not a virgin. So I knew it had to be love because I don’t know a man who would stick around and he’s not getting any action. Don’t get me wrong I will say one thing we were some what intimate but I was on the receiving end of things. I do remember one night we were the only ones up (so we thought) and he decided that he wanted to be nasty and give me some oral sex. I happily obliged and didn’t put up an argument at all..lol Anyway,during our little session my sister walked in on us. I didn’t know she was even staring at us until I looked up and seen her looking at her. Her facial expression on her face was so funny. She ran into the bathroom after she seen what we were doing. I tapped him and told him that she had just caught us and he looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. He actually tried to continue even after I just told him that my little sister had just seen him. She was 16 years old so I’m pretty sure she’s seen someone being pleasured..lol.

We now are going in to the year  2000 and everything that happen that year was when all the real stress began. My daughter was conceived that year and I have a hilarious story of how she was. One night he was over and I had just gotten out the shower. I had no intentions on doing anything with him that night except tease him a little. We were 6 months into our relationship and I didn’t give him no type of play. When I got out the shower I slipped on my black dress that had a slit on the side of my thigh. I use to call it the booty call dress because anytime I wore it I was intending on getting some type of pleasure. I still actually stll have the dress to this day. Anyway, after getting dress I lotion up and went into the kitchen where he was sitting waiting for me. I didn’t have on any under wear because I knew that something could happen. I went over to where he sat and decided that I was going to have a seat on his lap instead of the chair that was beside him. I sat on his lap for all of a minute and got right up. I knew that I wasn’t right by teasing him like that but he wanted to feel how moist I could get. (use your imagination). It was May 24th and my little girl was conceived that exact day. I had no idea that I was pregnant. The next month I missed my period and I just knew that there was no way that he could get me pregnant off of precum. Yes I said it people precum!!. I was furious with him because I just knew he had don’t it on purpose. I remember I became emotional before I found out and that wasn’t like me. I went to the drug store and got a test and hurried home to take it. I took the  test and it almost instantly came back positive. I didn’t even have to wait the 2 minutes as instructed. I was pregnant and I wanted to kill him. I had no intentions on having a baby by him at all. Hell half the time I wanted to break up with him. It was too late now I was pregnant and there was no way I was going to get an abortion at all. I called him and told him that he needed to come over immediately. He asked why and I told him I was not going to discuss it over the phone. He came over later that day and I told him to go into the bedroom and look on top of the window seal. I had put the test into a zip lock baggie for him to see. He came back in the living room with the test in his hand. He said instantly, I already knew you were pregnant and I looked up at him with at look that could’ve killed him. I asked how did he know he said that he could tell by the way that I had been acting. He said that he’d noticed how I was becoming emotional and at first he couldn’t understand why. I started getting the thoughts that he did it on purpose and I didn’t want to be with him still. I didn’t even care that he was the father. I told him that I didn’t know what I wanted to do. ( I was speaking as far as me and him) I didn’t know how I was going to explain to my parents that I was pregnant. I decided to get a second test from the doctor. I rode the train downtown to see the doctor that my cousin had been going to. She was pregnant to but her son was going to be born that year. As I got off the train I felt sick to my stomach. I got upstairs and half a block away from the train station I threw up right there on the side walk. I was so embarrass that I couldn’t control the urge to vomit. A man stopped and asked if I was okay and I told him that I was pregnant. Right then is when reality hit me that I was going to be a mother!… to be cont..