The Last Kiss

I know that I’m not expert in relationships but I swear the last two years of dealing with different personalities, people etc. I’ve learned a whole lot and I know that some of my weight loss is from the stress of it all. I constantly ask myself how I can continue to put my heart on the table only for it to be continually being cut into pieces. However, the one thing I realize that is the most difficult in breaking up is not getting that last kiss. I will explain what I mean by the last kiss amongst other questions we don’t get answered in the end.

I was in a relationship a month ago and it felt like the longest rollercoaster in my life. I developed real feelings for this woman even in the short amount of time of knowing her. However, she was a lot of women to handle and at times I thought that we were great. Then there were times I said something’s that I knew would hit her right where it hurt most. I was hurting and I needed her to understand that she was piercing my soul. I cried, screamed because I just wanted to know how she could look the other way. She loved me but she was ready to cut me off and let everything we were trying to build go! Even after all the fighting and arguing, we manage to hold on to each other despite knowing it was over. No one wanted to say that it was just that OVER!! Honestly, I’m still dealing with it and I’m trying to move past it. I need to move past it because I know I will never get the answers to my questions. I will never be able to get that last hug or kiss because it’s done. I had the same issue with my last ex and all I can do is get over it!

I’m realizing that this is the reason people can’t move past the over part. We can move past the relationship being over but some can’t get past the unanswered questions, the wanting to have that last moment with your lover. I understand that it all depends on the way the relationship ended but my question is simple: how you can pretend that what you feel is no longer there? I would of love to have sat down and hashed out what went wrong. Yes, there may have been some crying and even yelling but answers could be answered. Instead of walking away, or pretending that the person no longer exists; find closure and walk away knowing that you both are in agreement. Not everyone is mature enough to handle the truth and they rather hide and make up excuses as to calling it quits. It’s unfair to the one who wants that closure and wants to be able to hold their lover one last time. You can’t pretend that you don’t want to hold, cuddle or even make love to the person one last time. I understand that it will not make the break up any easier but who’s trying to make it easy.  It’s already over so why not make the last memorable moments last in a good way.  I know it is easier said than done, but if the love was real it shouldn’t be hard. If a person can walk away from you after confessing their dying love for you over the months or years you’ve been together then they never truly loved you. If this is the case then you need to move on. Unfortunately, you will not receive the closure that you look for and I suggest you pray about it.

In my experience with dealing with not having closure with some of my relationships, I find that all I can do is pray about it. I also sometimes go to the extreme as in deleting them and blocking them from calling me. It’s my way of helping to mend my heart. I can’t deal with knowing that at anytime I can call them or they can call me. It only helps if I actually keep them blocked…lol, I always wondering if they miss me as much as I miss them. I have it bad and I don’t know how to not love so hard. Guess I will keep my heart on; lock and key for a while. If you can get the type of closure that will leave you both happy in the end, then I encourage you to get it. Another thing is I’m not saying you have to try and remain friends but it can help you move past everything.  As I said before all things aren’t meant to last forever (previous blog) However, you don’t have to hold on to what if’s either. 

Be blessed in all that you do